Your Honeymoon

While you were enjoying your honeymoon, I was there baring my soul out to an empty place. Wet floors made wetter with tears but it was so black, so filthy, I couldn't stand it.

I thought I could find pieces of me and retrieve them, but all I found was a circle for what used to fit. Don't mind me if I think now that this entire fiasco had been in your mind for so long before we fell apart. I'm pretty sure it meant nothing to you, not as much as it meant to me.

I am extremely worried. But I can only get this worry out of the way when I get back. Something inside me churns. In a bad, unhealthy way. I didn't know before, if I was happy or angry. I know now. But I am still worried because nobody else knows. Just her that I sometimes on good fortune, see in the mirror. Maybe a flicker of an image of her.

But you have no idea how hurtful it was to hear no-no-no over and over, followed by no concern at all. And this was much later. In another realm, we would be equal in this because I know where those came from and I agreed. But they just didn't need to be said to me that way.

This was rock bottom to me. And yet, I hope each day with so much sincerity to God, that you are happy.