An Old Story From A Distant Past

Today was a good day. Not the happy sunshine and rainbows kind but still, no crisis counts for something no? I came home to clear my bookmarks and I found something that I had forgotten. Shoved so far into the back of my head, I think it could have felt lonely.

I am that kind of person who thinks about her exes all the time. It didn't matter how they treated me, or how I treated them or who had ended it. But there was this special one, who made me feel the crappiest. The truth is, I don't know why he was any exception. Maybe because he gave me a bouquet of lolly pops. Oh, you didn't know? Lolly pops were my thing some time ago. Maybe because he let me numb his feet by sleeping on them. Maybe I was just that shallow. I fell for all the little lies and empty promises and easy words.

But only him, I didn't occasionally bring up in my mind. True. Why, indeed.

Hiding that memory was the only way to recover. Burying it with all sorts of junk over the years and making sure nothing would accidentally leak out.

Do you remember Lynn? Do you remember that girl I used to talk about. She would never order her own meal but will always leech off everyone else's, then proceed to regurgitate. Today I stumbled in all the right places and it reminded me of all the wrongs you have done to me. I was stupid. And you were prized. In all your sob stories, you were precious. To many. And I wasn't exclusive.

Today I remembered how you've scarred me by telling all who were close to me about my impending heartbreak. Today I remembered what thick skin you have when you warned them to hide this from me. Today I remembered and maybe felt again like deja vu the helplessness of losing you, losing us. Today I remembered that I told myself it was silly to have put so much heart into one relationship after you left me for dead. And today is also the day that I remember that my life isn't over after all.

Because today, I've found someone. Someone close to my heart. Someone worth the trouble. Someone I've known for several years and whom I cannot imagine tearing me apart and leaving me to mend myself back into one. Someone who will solder the cracks shut. Someone who drapes me all over so that the pieces I've been gluing together, the holes I've been trying to fill aren't exposed for the world to see.

And today, you might as well be dead to me :)

Roadkill McSlaughter

He is my joy.

Last night I picked him up and set him in front of the computer while I played Gemcraft.

He went near the mouse and I accidentally used Roadkill to move the cursor. No, he didn't poke me : )

But later he fell asleep in right next to my arm, to this song.


Clint Michigan - Hawthorne to Hennepin

I Am Not Unlike You

What I am doing to you, as relieving for me as it is, is no less than human.

What I am doing to you, it gives me a rush of satisfaction.

I preach it. But what you did to me was horrible yet it is so easy for me to be punishing you the same way. I am no less human, no more a monstrosity. But I am more humane than you could ever be.

You.

Feel.

No.

Guilt.

Everything is just a gimmick to you. Every chance you get. Everything in your path. All subjected to your choices. The lesser, the outcasts. And you greed for the rest.

You are like one of those people who go around systematically pilfering champagne glasses from the parties you're invited to.

Many things you do disgust me.

You are shameful. There is no escaping that.

Yet, so am I.


Florence and the Machine - Cosmic Love

Very Steam

First returning episode of Grey's Anatomy in 2010 is very steam.

If only it was that easy to pull a "Fine, then take him". You don't suppose it's about a certain vendetta now, do you?

Hmm...

Edit: Following episode was even more shocking. Eeesh fucking steam.

Hello Blondies

Is it me, or does AJ Cook and Bitchy Britney Spears look alike?





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On an unrelated note, why is Lite FM playing Susan Boyd's song every morning. Tulannya.

Fish. Blah.

I should cast a wider net right?

There's just one tiny hiccup.

The fish. Is it near or far?

Skim Cepat Kaya

No fancy multi-level marketing nonsense, no thoroughly thought out rouse to trick people. No need for extra effort, no requirement to be highly educated or own a certificate of any kind.

How about a thrilling career as one of the following?

. Toll booth operator
. Survey or focus group participant
. Extra in a movie or TV show ie. dead body 1 and running kid 2

Or you could be the blonde lady who turns the letters on Wheel of Fortune.


Glass Pear - Last Day of Your Life

The Fireworks

Were quite scarce this last year. It's taken a bit to convince myself that it's 2010 already. I swear I felt a shift in the space-time continuum.

While I am quite content to simply stay home in the presence of pillows in a perfectly mushed position, I get this feeling that I'm a bit old to show up in a sea of over-privileged teens and consume alcohol in that same vicinity.

I'm only 24.

And those two nights, they were good nights. Good. Relatively. Despite the fact that some bimbo stabbed my little toe with her sharpened heels. Oh yes, I thought it was a guy. But now I see a U-shaped imprint atop the skin covering my coagulated blood.

Bimbo: Noun. Vacuous female single-celled organism which crawls out of the primordial ooze who will one day be turning letters in her foreseeable future and the only way she'd know which letters to turn is when they ding and light up.

Why, yes. Happy New Year to all.


Erin McKeown - To The Stars