Huh?

Where the heck did all these people come from?



People from Venezuela, Spain, Italy, Romania, Chile. What the fudge.

Bangkok 2008: Bling Bling

Have you ever seen so much bling in your life?


Unpolished precious stones.

In Thailand, there are two things to always keep in mind.

1. That the people are extremely patriotic. Their national flag will never be on ground level. Stepping on any object with their King's face on it is akin to murder.

And

2. That the people are extremely religious. You'd notice a small altar of worship in every other corner of a road.


Temple here.


Another temple.


One more temple.


Here's another.

Mind you, they're not the cheapskate wood and brick kind. These people use gold. Gold and other kinds of bling.













And the thing that makes them religious is that every time they pass by an altar like that, they bow their heads, close their eyes and say a prayer.

But me? Me, I do this.



*Hehe, just kidding about the gold. It's only gold paint*

Bangkok 2008: Please Be Advised

Let's start off with the posey-posey tourist mandatory photos. You know, because nobody will be seeing any posey-posey tourist photos of Bangkok for a long time, since the Bangkok riots.

A few things to highlight:

1. One-third of the map of Bangkok is covered with temples (i.e. Wat Sam Phraya, Wat Arun, Wat The Hell, Wat Is That, Wat On Earth, et cetera)



The temple is a holy place. It is a place of meditation, it is a place of worship. Please cover/hide all areas of your anatomy that may be seen as impolite, offensive, or too sexy.



But if you must show skin, please do so only when nobody is watching. And kindly ensure that Buddha himself is sleeping, so as not to attract stray lightning bolts or tornados in your direction.



2. Buddha should be a model

Buddha must be the top poser of them all. See Buddha doing this.



And this.



And this.



And even this, starving himself for the sake of looking good. Tsk tsk tsk.



At one point Buddha was giving so many poses, that I got tired of snapping solo shots. So let's have Buddha clone himself and give us multiple shots at the same time!



3. Apparently, it is legal to steal in Bangkok.

It is OK for the mass public to install a huge ass satellite on the roofs of their wooden houses at the river side, so they can watch TV from all over the world! All the NHK and Nickelodeon they want, wtf.



4. Taxis in Bangkok are Toyota.

Most common taxi model is Toyota Altis. And in bright neon colors too!







5. Tourists are allowed to mendedahkan aurat in public when trying clothes on.

Take Ichiro for example. He decided to buy a few pairs of jeans (for a very cheap price because he is a cheap person) And what do you do if there are no fitting rooms in sight?

Step 1. You wear a makeshift sarong with elastic gutters over what you're wearing.
Step 2. Stick your hands inside from the top to unbuckle. Slip out of your pants.
Step 3. Put on the pants you want to try on (without dropping the makeshift sarong).
Step 4. Remove makeshift sarong.





6. Thai people are mostly small-sized.

Mady and I attempted to do some lingerie shopping. But failed. (Not that I'm trying to imply anything here) Because the bras on sale there can only cover half my nipple.

But when it comes to sizes for other articles of clothing, they really give you a multitude of options for sizes.



Think I'll be able to fit in one of those XXXXXL pants? =D

7. Look out for the mandarin juice that is sold on the streets.

Only 100 baht! Super sweet and refreshing. No sugar added! Even the color is so pretty! Gee, now I sound like a friggin' ad.



8. Bangkok KFC has grilled buffalo wings.



9. They always ask for the impossible of you.

Please "give your hand to welfare fund".



Most confusing signs ever. No exit here, but no entrance here either. Why the heck did they build that in the first place?

WTF I Wish I Can Draw

So nice can die.

Bangkok 2008: Departure Tulan

Despite constant safety threats due to Bangkok's political unrest, I went anyway. (What? Think I scared ah WTF?) With Jiro, Mady and Ichiro.

Wait, wait. Before I forget. I want to bomb AirAsia. My flight was delayed at least 3.5 hours. Departure time from 8.30pm delayed to 10.45pm, then delayed to 11.15pm, and then delayed again to 12.20am the next morning due to strong winds and heavy rain.

On top of that, this gigantic dude who looked like he had elephantitis on all his limbs had to push everyone in his way while going up the stairs boarding. And he conveniently shoved me up and my shin hit the edge of one of the metal steps. Like magic, I had a bruise the size of a mangosteen on my leg. So ugly!!


Fuck you, stupid On Time Guarantee, tipu orang!!

Kononnya, if they keep you waiting, you'll get a RM200 E-Gift Voucher. They were so sure of themselves. You don't go around promising things like this lor. Even weather forecasts don't guarantee that.

You want to know what's guaranteed? This.


My backside confirm smelly!!

And I have a theory as to why our flight was delayed.

Say on average each flight has about 100 seats. And there are three options to which time you want to depart. 6.45pm, 8.30pm and 10.45pm.

Suppose 70 people on the 6.45pm flight has confirmed their check-in, and flights for 8.30pm and 10.45pm only have 30 passengers each, the management decides that the 30 people on the 8.30pm flight are lowly scums and do not deserve an on time flight as scheduled like they paid for. So they push these people up with the 10.45pm flight passengers. And therefore manages to save one trip.

Do these fuckers know that they're inconveniencing 30 people who may have an important day ahead? Or costing these 30 people the one last chance to see their dying father/ mother/ sister/ brother/ aunt/ uncle/ cousin/ grandpa /grandma/ friend/ dog/ cat/ hamster?

So we only arrived at Suvarnabhumi Airport, Bangkok at 2.30am. We came out of the airport and there were these taxi people who stalked us and offered to bring us to our destination. And because Jiro and Mady told us in advance that the ride should cost about 400 baht, we figured 450 baht would be not too bad.

So we took the cabby's offer and hopped on. We made small talk. And he wasn't sure of the destination, so he decided to call up the Information Call Centre. After 15 minutes on the phone, we finally arrived. But at this point, the crook of a cabby demanded that we pay him 1,000 baht. 450 baht per person, and 100 baht for his phone calls.

Ha... Kelentong naik kereta already can!

We refused, of course. And he threatened to bring us back to the airport. After a few attempts to negotiate the price, with him refusing all offers, I said fine. Let's go back to the airport. And the damned bastard finally decided that he'd rather not waste more petrol and accepted our offer of 700 baht.

WTF WTF WTF!!!

I curse him from 1,200km away, that he contracts an incurable disease that causes his dick to slowly and painfully peel off, and no amount of Tongkat Ali or tiger's penises can save it. I hope his children all suffer and die from melamine poisoning, and his wife to cheat on him with all the males in his family including his dogs and bulls and get AIDS, then passes it back to him.

Stupid cab driver.

Dear God, please let him be a low income, measly cab driver for the rest of his life (and all eternity if they believe in reincarnation). Please let his entire family and the generations to come be poor cab drivers who earn a whole lot less than they spend, causing them to be beggars and eat dirt and grass and consume river water filled with shit and fecal matter from other people and animals to survive, until they accidentally swallow plastic bags and choke to death. Amen.

Anyone Remembers Chai-Chai Pong?

Sneak Preview: Bangkok, November 2008


Wat Sam Phraya

Oh My Calves

This week was hell.

Material deadline on Tuesday, and suddenly there was this fire drill. Such good timing! Fire Marshalls came to evacuate us to the Assembly Point while the Fire Department came to pretend to check the building. They took a whole 30 minutes to arrive. Can I say toast?

Everyone had to use the stairs.

What's the big deal right?

Well, let me repeat. EVERYONE had to use the stairs. This includes the lazy bums who take the elevator from the first floor to the lower ground floor, when the daunting flight of stairs is right beside.

It's so funny, I believe it was my first time seeing Bernas employees using the stairs.

I walked 7 floors down. I think I've fulfilled my quota of weekly exercise.


This is only 8 floors of the building. The rest were all the way around the other side.

After the drill, everyone hurried back to the elevators.

I couldn't wait - materials were due. So I took the stairs. 7 floors up. 26 steps each floor.

And today, I finally feel the consequences. Left foot on clutch... and bam! Been limping my way around the office pretty much the entire day today. Now that stupid Ameltz Yoko-Yoko ad is ringing in my head.

: (

Symphony of Snores

Funniest thing happened last night.

Aunt from Sydney came to visit and had a bad back so she couldn't climb up to sleep on the upper bunk. So the other aunt had to sleep with Mom and me.

They snore. And it was like an orchestra. Took turns snoring somemore. Mom snores when she's breathing in, and aunt snores when she's breathing out.

I tickle mom's throat to stop her snoring a little. Like 5 seconds later, aunt snores. So I poked the mattress from the lower deck. And she stops. Then another 5 seconds later, mom picks up where she left off. And it continued like that for at least a good half an hour until I fell asleep.

WTF.

Fat Arses With Nothing Else To Do

Really? Jalan Kejora? Really?

You freaking tarts. Just because you couldn't find something else better to do after you ingested your heart attack's worth of nasi lemak and downed your neslo ais, doesn't mean you can meddle with the road names as you please.

[ ROAD names in Kuala Lumpur are changed to make life easier for the postman when delivering letters. ]

Seriousfuckingly. Do we seriousfuckingly have a pandemic of lost letters because postmen couldn't find the addresses? How is it easier that all this while they have managed to know road names, only to have you asswipes change them all. If you must revamp something, revamp your faces stupid toads.

[ Amin added that the move was in accordance with the Federal Government’s decision to change all English names to Bahasa Malaysia. ]

What is it that you fuckers have against English anyways? Just because you can't construct English sentences, you want to inconvenience everyone else? I get that BM-patriotic-tanahair shit, but why the trouble?

[ According to Amin, to avoid confusion, the committee’s guidelines include using road names with specific themes such as vegetables, flowers, fruits and famous people and that letters and numbers are not encouraged. ]

Seriously? VEGETABLES?!!!! FLOWERS? FRUITS?!! Did you forget your straight jacket? Not that I can say much, I live on Jalan Pisang - the founder of my area must be a pervert, there's a Lorong Anggur too. So what happens when you run out of fruits? Give the roads the fruits' scientific names? How about Jalan Convolvulaceae for you? Except, since the brilliant guidelines say it must now be in BM, it's Jalan Konvolvulaki.

[ “If one person disagrees to the move to change a particular road name then we will not go through it,’’ Amin said, adding that all 20 members in the committee unanimously agreed to change the name of Jalan Alor to Jalan Kejora. ]

No shock. Seriously, if there was an award show for World's Top 20 Stupidest People. Wah, Malaysia finally gets a Gold anything!!

[ Former City Hall Advisory Board member Datuk Ooi Saw Choo, who sat on DBKL’s Road Naming Committee from 2005 to 2006 said the committee goes through a lengthy process before deciding on road names and said that a process to change a road name can take as long as two months. ]

Wah! Two freaking months! You play susun semula abjad is it? You lazy asshole, go to work at 9, go home at 5. 9 - 10 Make coffee. 10 - 11 Chit-chat. 11 - 12 Start thinking what to eat. 12 - 2 Lunch (Mondays to Thursdays) 12 - 3 (Fridays). After lunch onwards, cigarette and toilet breaks. 4.59 shut down computer. 5 Balik rumah. No wonder you take two months.

And finally, the best joke the world has ever seen.

THE DBKL Road Naming committee rules and guidelines:

English names must be changed to Bahasa Malaysia.

Names must reflect the Malaysian Identity

Road names must follow a theme.

For example, if the neighbourhood or zone is using fruits as their theme, then all roads must carry the names of Malaysian fruits.

To use names of famous people.

Naming roads in accordance with the name of the housing estate. For example in Sri Hartamas, the road names used are Jalan Sri Hartamas 1, Jalan Sri Hartamas 2, etc
>>>IS IT? I THOUGHT USING NUMBERS ARE NOT ENCOURAGED???

Names used should be a source of information or educational. For example, using the names of Malaysian fruits, vegetables and spices.
>>>I HAVE A SUGGESTION FOR EDUCATIONAL - HOW ABOUT JALAN ZAKAR, JALAN UTERUS, JALAN PUNDI KENCING, JALAN GINJAL, JALAN PAYUDARA? IT'S SCIENCE!!!

The use of letters of the alphabet is not encouraged
>>>LETTERS ALPHABET CANNOT BE USED? SO IT'S JALAN _ _ _ _ _ SORRY CANNOT USE ANYTHING THAT'S ON THE KEYBOARD - THEY'RE ALL KNOWN AS 'LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET'. I KNOW, WHY NOT WE MAKE OURSELVES GREEK? THAT WAY, WE CAN USE SQUARES AND TRIANGLES INSTEAD!

To prevent confusion, the use of Lorong is not permitted (existing names with the word Lorong will be left as it is like Lorong Maarof)
>>>HUH? CAN YOU BE CLEARER? CANNOT USE LORONG, BUT FOR LORONG MAAROF, LEAVE IT AS IT IS? WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

To limit the use of words like Medan, Changkat or Persiaaran.

The use of words like Lintasan, Tepian, Simpang, Tinggian, Lingkungan, Selekoh and Perkarangan is not permitted.

---

Hahahaha!! OMG I cannot believe I'm Malaysian. I feel so ashamed. People would ask me where I'm from, and not only would I have to describe how Malaysia is north of Singapore, they will also ask me "Oh, Malaysia. Isn't that the country where they renamed a bunch of roads to some Godforsaken Alien Language?"

Hahaha. Addis Ababa, here I come.

Bina Ayat

I suddenly remember high school days when we had 'Bina Ayat' to show we know the meaning of a word.

Some genius wrote her answer:

"Cikgu, apakah makna (insert difficult word here)?" tanya Ali.

And names were so lame. For boys it'd be Ali or Abu, Muthu and Ah Seng. For girls, Siti or Fatimah, Devi and Swee Ling.

By The Way, Happy Birthday Part 2

Happy birthday to me. People I don't know are wishing me Happy Birthday. Tsk tsk. The technology's fault. Suddenly it's like people remember birthdays.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to Chingy, happy birthday to me

: )

Rainbows and Protruding Bones

So the past three weeks or so were pretty much rainbows and chirping birds, except for the minor ranting over work here and there (such insignificance), but now Alex has gone. To slave himself for SIA (and losing the spare tire at OBS). Yes we are apart. But our love is strong, and we will endure this test of faith from God Hmm... wait a minute, I haven't been to church in a long time. I'm sure God's forgotten all about lil' ol' me. And we can't stop think about each other, and this is so cheesy But we're reporting every detail down to the last burp to each other hahaha.

Now it's back to shitty take-outs and skipping dinner. Oh, and work. Work today was a bitch. I despise morons who give revisions at the end of the day when I send them stuff to review in the morning. Everything comes to a crashing halt for ONE job, because of ONE client.

Malaysians - habit of jumping queue. They will never learn, especially the LCs. They will takapalah everything until the very last nanosecond, then drop the veryurgentmyjobisatstake bomb on you.

Here, something gross to entertain yourselves with.

Whatever Screw You

I hate it when people bring their freaking PMS mood swings to work. What's worse is that it's not even work-related PMS. Don't show face if your heart is not here at work. I don't like being ignored, especially when I'm trying to get an important message across. The least this son of a bitch could do was nod. But no. He just walked off. Like he freaking owns the building. Yeah, you know what? I hope you walk directly into a wall. Go bury your face in cement or something. Or get hit by a truck. Or be peeled to death by a mob of carrot peelers.

By The Way, Happy Birthday

Rebecca and I were sharing a piece of Jiunn's birthday cake on her desk. I placed two pieces of paper underneath the polystyrene plate so we wouldn't dirty anything on her desk. The following conversation ensued.

Rebecca: You put recycled paper right? Surely you're not that stupid as to put new paper.

Ching: Do I look like Jiunn?

Muahaha I'm the meanest bitch alive!! :D

Happy Raya

1. Yay! Half-day today! =D

2. Booze before sunset! (This should be a movie too!) =D

3. I played Santa Claus last week, delivering hampers to Muslim clients. Hands still aching now. : (

4. Half-day today!! =D

5. No work tomorrow!! =D =D

6. No work the day after tomorrow!! =D =D =D

7. Work Friday. : (

8. Jiunn's (and I quote) burfday party Saturday - with booze! =D

9. Back to work Monday. : (

Potong steamnya!!

Anyhooooo, to Hana Bobana and Mahfuzah Ayob, Samat Ari Raye. Muah, sayang you two much much!! Better remember my duit raye. RM1 also I don't care.

Squid Ink And Sex

They say when you have sex for the first time, it will hurt, and you will bleed and die. And yet no matter how much it hurts, people still continue having sex anyway.

Squeezing a baby out the 4 to 5 cm in wide hole hurts even more. Yet, people (especially LCs) breed to infest our pretty contaminated little Earth with their kind. Their vajayjay must be quite loose already.

Eating squid ink angel hair doesn't exactly hurt, but I took a bite and went bwack. And I'm never eating it again. EVER. Because unlike sex (it's no wonder LCs keep making babies, because they're so horny all the time, they keep screwing one another, and purposely make babies to make it hurt less the next round, because they want to enjoy more wtf), once you taste the icky squid ink, the experience will be permanently seared in your head and you can never bring yourself to consume such substance anymore.

I'm going crazy. Some people say it's what dying feels like. -_-lll

Total Wipe Out Babbehhhhh!!!

Somebody conned me.

Into playing this.

It started with my frequent untimely demise. Right at the second Flying Creeps level.



But I still totally rocked. Because I managed to win. Once.


With this awesome blossom menacing killer plan.

But I will play even more because it is awesome. And I need to find a foolproof destroyer maze to bombard those spastic micro-bacterial blobs of filth.

Milo Cake

Sempena meraikan Hari Kemerdekaan Ke-51, I have decided to cook.

Muahaha.. It's not really cooking. More of mixing a bunch of goo together and sticking it into the fridge.

Presenting Milo Cake.


Half-eaten Merdeka Milo Cake

Do not be deceived by its ugly exterior. It may look like it is infested with fungus, but please wipe that look of distaste from your face. It is actually super yummy.

It tastes like... I don't know. Milo?

I don't even know how I was such a genius to make something so shiok. Muahaha... Does that mean I'm a cook now?

[ Edit ]

Ingredients are Milo powder (the smallest pack), half a tin of sweetened condensed milk, a block of Buttercup, and a packet of Tiger Marie Biscuits.

1. Mix condensed milk, butter, and Milo. It will get thick and sticky.
2. Pop it into the microwave to melt the butter to make the goo not so thick and pour-able.
3. Break Marie biscuits in a container.
4. Pour Shit Goo over biscuits.
5. Use fork or whatever utensil within reach to even out the Shit Goo.
6. Make sure Shit Goo covers biscuits thoroughly.
7. Shove container of Shit into fridge for all eternity.

Three to four hours later, you may bite into your diabetes snack.

[ End Edit ]

I offered some to mom, and mom says to remove the calories from her face. My mother is funny : )

Amuleto by Crystal Jade

I'm superior. I do not stuff myself.

Yeah, right.

Screw the diet. Bikini can wait.


Stuffing is in order at Amuleto by Crystal Jade.



I suppose what's distinctive about this place is the solid, confident tone of blood red. Not that I'm complaining. Red is the color for hunger, how apt that a restaurant is dyed that specific shade. Amuleto is however, prepared to satiate that appetite.







The interior is divided into a few sections. Soccer (or US Open) fans can hide in the back with a huge projector screen with the main dining area upfront. It's generally stylish and modern.

One thing I cannot tahan is how there's too much of 'a-bit-of-everything'. It's not a bad thing, it just took me a bit of time to absorb the whole concept.


This place makes me happy.

Skip the spoon clinking, and on with the stuffing!


Papaya Salad with Chicken Floss, Thai Style

With the naked eye, the young papaya strips looked like salmon. But Chris was so smart, that he put on his smug face and said it's Kerabu. Hahaha!! OMGWTF..!! Why not call it Salmon Lookalike Kerabu Salad?

Ringo says "Kerabu is so not fucking Thai can". I fucking agree.


Greens Tempura with Shredded Dried Scallop

I swear, I nearly passed out from the orgasm I got from this dish. Not only is it kangkung and deep fried tempura style, it also has scallops! Nevermind that it's dried and in the form of shavings. Imagine the grease oozing with every bite. Damn shiok.


Quartet Soup

The first three soups were very deceiving, they looked like kiwi, orange and mango, but the mushroom soup is obvious. It is a combo of Broccoli, French Onion, Pumpkin and Mushroom soups, uniquely served in shot glasses, apparently for indecisive guests. The straws were a little unpractical though, as it was shared among a few people (including strangers) during the Food Tasting.

My favorite is the Broccoli, because mushroom soup is overrated, I hate pumpkins, and onions could turn you into the next TauPaSing in action.

Mental note to self: Bring Sze here.


Vegetable Beef Roll

Meat! Finally! Sorry, I cannot help it. I'm a carnivore, short of stirring a human in a cauldron, which would make me a cannibal. Served cold, not only is the presentation pleasing to the eye, the taste is also pretty good. Of course, the star of the dish is the beef.

What's more is that it can be eaten in one single unladylike-fashion bite. Here's something I'd like to see in girls. Chewing mouthful.


Sizzling Cheesy Glutinous Rice Cake with Seaweed & Katsuobushi

Chris tries to make up for the humiliation of Thai Kerabu, and refers to the Bonito Flakes as onions. LOL! Wei, bonito is a kind of mackerel la. It's a fish. Fish and onions are quite different, my friend.

Despite its cheesiness, it is only tasty when eaten hot. When the cheese is still all disgustingly melty.


Rosti with Mushroom

Potato lovers will absolutely die for this. I have to say, the creamy mushroom gravy wasn't too compatible with the rosti. In fact, going by the norm that jacket potatoes are usually served with sour cream, I think the sour cream would have been a much better accompaniment. Or even eaten plain on its own.

On a somewhat unrelated note though, I think the mushroom cream would do good if it stuck back to poultry instead.


Amuleto Fried Seafood Spaghetti with Olive Oil

This studio photo doesn't do much justice to the succulent prawns. Let Sony T-200 macro show you something.


It's just one, but you can almost taste it in your mouth.

The taste is quite bland, but then again, the ratio of spaghetti to seafood is about 3 to 2, which is pretty good by my standards.


Wasabi Steak

This studio photo also doesn't quite show the oomph. So, here.


Heart attack on a dish.

Beef! To hell with health, calories and cholestrol, we're all going to die anyway.

Awesome and slightly bleeding medium steak topped with wasabi sauce. Beef doesn't get any better. Except maybe for wagyu - damn things are so freaking expensive.


Chocolate Fondue


Pretty pretty.

Have you seen something so pretty? On the left, dark chocolate. On the right, white chocolate. I personally vote dark chocolate, but people like me devour any kinds of chocolate in whatever shape, size, and form.


Fruits to dip into the thick, delicious chocolate.

What perfection to the end of a meal. Chocolates pretty much say it all. Chocolates should be a religion. Or at least an ajaran sesat or something. There's already a cult for cheese, why not for chocolate?


Amuleto by Crystal Jade, located on Ground Floor, Mid Valley Megamall.

****************

Also served that day, specially for Ringo, was the Cheese Fries.


Cheese Fries

Look at it, all melty, rich and shiny. Needless to say, we attacked like we just came from a famine.


One more pretty-pretty picture of the dining table : )