Bangkok 2008: Departure Tulan

Despite constant safety threats due to Bangkok's political unrest, I went anyway. (What? Think I scared ah WTF?) With Jiro, Mady and Ichiro.

Wait, wait. Before I forget. I want to bomb AirAsia. My flight was delayed at least 3.5 hours. Departure time from 8.30pm delayed to 10.45pm, then delayed to 11.15pm, and then delayed again to 12.20am the next morning due to strong winds and heavy rain.

On top of that, this gigantic dude who looked like he had elephantitis on all his limbs had to push everyone in his way while going up the stairs boarding. And he conveniently shoved me up and my shin hit the edge of one of the metal steps. Like magic, I had a bruise the size of a mangosteen on my leg. So ugly!!


Fuck you, stupid On Time Guarantee, tipu orang!!

Kononnya, if they keep you waiting, you'll get a RM200 E-Gift Voucher. They were so sure of themselves. You don't go around promising things like this lor. Even weather forecasts don't guarantee that.

You want to know what's guaranteed? This.


My backside confirm smelly!!

And I have a theory as to why our flight was delayed.

Say on average each flight has about 100 seats. And there are three options to which time you want to depart. 6.45pm, 8.30pm and 10.45pm.

Suppose 70 people on the 6.45pm flight has confirmed their check-in, and flights for 8.30pm and 10.45pm only have 30 passengers each, the management decides that the 30 people on the 8.30pm flight are lowly scums and do not deserve an on time flight as scheduled like they paid for. So they push these people up with the 10.45pm flight passengers. And therefore manages to save one trip.

Do these fuckers know that they're inconveniencing 30 people who may have an important day ahead? Or costing these 30 people the one last chance to see their dying father/ mother/ sister/ brother/ aunt/ uncle/ cousin/ grandpa /grandma/ friend/ dog/ cat/ hamster?

So we only arrived at Suvarnabhumi Airport, Bangkok at 2.30am. We came out of the airport and there were these taxi people who stalked us and offered to bring us to our destination. And because Jiro and Mady told us in advance that the ride should cost about 400 baht, we figured 450 baht would be not too bad.

So we took the cabby's offer and hopped on. We made small talk. And he wasn't sure of the destination, so he decided to call up the Information Call Centre. After 15 minutes on the phone, we finally arrived. But at this point, the crook of a cabby demanded that we pay him 1,000 baht. 450 baht per person, and 100 baht for his phone calls.

Ha... Kelentong naik kereta already can!

We refused, of course. And he threatened to bring us back to the airport. After a few attempts to negotiate the price, with him refusing all offers, I said fine. Let's go back to the airport. And the damned bastard finally decided that he'd rather not waste more petrol and accepted our offer of 700 baht.

WTF WTF WTF!!!

I curse him from 1,200km away, that he contracts an incurable disease that causes his dick to slowly and painfully peel off, and no amount of Tongkat Ali or tiger's penises can save it. I hope his children all suffer and die from melamine poisoning, and his wife to cheat on him with all the males in his family including his dogs and bulls and get AIDS, then passes it back to him.

Stupid cab driver.

Dear God, please let him be a low income, measly cab driver for the rest of his life (and all eternity if they believe in reincarnation). Please let his entire family and the generations to come be poor cab drivers who earn a whole lot less than they spend, causing them to be beggars and eat dirt and grass and consume river water filled with shit and fecal matter from other people and animals to survive, until they accidentally swallow plastic bags and choke to death. Amen.