And I would like to watch your flesh disintegrate into mush.
Thanks.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The Current Job
Is quite shitty.
But I love it. Even if it's killing all my friends one by one. I love it.
At least I am learning something. At least I can use that something to increase my self-worth.
I am tired. But it's so worth it. I love it.
: )
But I love it. Even if it's killing all my friends one by one. I love it.
At least I am learning something. At least I can use that something to increase my self-worth.
I am tired. But it's so worth it. I love it.
: )
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Don't Be Such A Wuss
And pin it on the person who is most likely to have committed the crime.
And blame it on the easiest target because you thought of an excuse to make it happen.
And seek apology from the person who got rid of your trash for you.
And whine in a corner or sulk with your face in the wall.
Because that bitch hates me before even knowing me in person (and I am a fun person - hence the bitchy jokes or schadenfreude that comes from the blurts). So what does that say about her?
The minuscule Klang Valley that we live in would do better if she would have minded her own bloody business and not point her aimless hatred and rage at people she doesn't even know, then pin it on jealousy. It's like what did I ever do to that low-life scum(ette) anyway? I didn't call her names (not until now, at least), I didn't badmouth her, I didn't spread rumors about her (like others once subjected me to), I didn't even so much as exchange glances with her before she started hating me. The only reason I can think of is that you and I, we have always gotten along well and after you mercilessly dumped the ex, while still keeping in (relatively) close contact with me made her feel dissatisfied on your ex'es behalf. Again, mind your own bloody business. What? Jealous because I had that kind of power over you? Hello? The keyword here if you're too stupid to know is HAD.
By the way, El is hands down, winner by a landslide, in a no-brainer survey a far better person that that piping idiot (in this life or the next) could ever be. She, I kind of liked. Just for her well-mannered, soft-spoken behavior.
Although, I suppose it was the alcohol (I'm such a wuss too, I'm blaming the alcohol - but alcohol causes one to lose their inhibitions, no?) that fueled what was an inappropriate action. If there was one thing I'd be sorry about, is how slowly you will realize how good El was for you. (Okay, and maybe that I should have done it secretly instead of right in front of her, because technically, on a good day, everyone gets hugs from my very well insulated beer belly and flabby but cushiony arms). But honestly? If she can dump you because some random ex was generous with cuddles, it doesn't really say much about her feelings for you, does it?
Now of course I could have minded my own bloody business too, you know, just for the effect of kettle calling the pot black, which is just about all that I am sorry for. You of all people should know hugs, kisses and bodily contact in general come easily with me (I'm actually friendly-ish you know, if I give a shit la). What are we, in the dark ages? Skin contact not allowed until marriage? Oh puh-lease, come off it already.
And if by people who 'advise' you, you mean people who tell you what they think but you proceeded to switch on your selective hearing, how does that reflect on YOU? Spare me the I'm-so-noble-I-still-wanted-us-to-be-friends speech. Save it for when your scumette really needs it (a time such as now perhaps). If it were my nasty asshole of an ex-colleague, he would have told you it was because you didn't even have the balls to stand up for what you genuinely thought (without a speck of doubt) was right for you. Or you didn't have the balls to do what is painful and excruciating but for your own good. You could have listened. Why wait until now? Why wait until you have an excuse and someone to blame on?
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WE WOULD NEVER HAVE WORKED OUT. I loved you once. I continued to love you after that (yeah, after the whole being bi-sexual drama). But no matter how much feelings I poured out, you were still going to be who you are. Unambitious, whiny and just have a very poor sense of rationality in general.
My question now is, what is your next step? Go back to this bitch whose character is such that she sticks her nose into other people's business that is in the past and forever live under her thumb with no sense of freedom? Or wake the fuck up and take a good look in the mirror and figure out what you want to do that will propel you forward in life? It's one way or the other, there is no gray area, there is no doing both. There is no Golden Mean.
Lastly, yes. I AM happy. And yes. This IS the ending I wanted to see. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Kthxbai.
And blame it on the easiest target because you thought of an excuse to make it happen.
And seek apology from the person who got rid of your trash for you.
And whine in a corner or sulk with your face in the wall.
Because that bitch hates me before even knowing me in person (and I am a fun person - hence the bitchy jokes or schadenfreude that comes from the blurts). So what does that say about her?
The minuscule Klang Valley that we live in would do better if she would have minded her own bloody business and not point her aimless hatred and rage at people she doesn't even know, then pin it on jealousy. It's like what did I ever do to that low-life scum(ette) anyway? I didn't call her names (not until now, at least), I didn't badmouth her, I didn't spread rumors about her (like others once subjected me to), I didn't even so much as exchange glances with her before she started hating me. The only reason I can think of is that you and I, we have always gotten along well and after you mercilessly dumped the ex, while still keeping in (relatively) close contact with me made her feel dissatisfied on your ex'es behalf. Again, mind your own bloody business. What? Jealous because I had that kind of power over you? Hello? The keyword here if you're too stupid to know is HAD.
By the way, El is hands down, winner by a landslide, in a no-brainer survey a far better person that that piping idiot (in this life or the next) could ever be. She, I kind of liked. Just for her well-mannered, soft-spoken behavior.
Although, I suppose it was the alcohol (I'm such a wuss too, I'm blaming the alcohol - but alcohol causes one to lose their inhibitions, no?) that fueled what was an inappropriate action. If there was one thing I'd be sorry about, is how slowly you will realize how good El was for you. (Okay, and maybe that I should have done it secretly instead of right in front of her, because technically, on a good day, everyone gets hugs from my very well insulated beer belly and flabby but cushiony arms). But honestly? If she can dump you because some random ex was generous with cuddles, it doesn't really say much about her feelings for you, does it?
Now of course I could have minded my own bloody business too, you know, just for the effect of kettle calling the pot black, which is just about all that I am sorry for. You of all people should know hugs, kisses and bodily contact in general come easily with me (I'm actually friendly-ish you know, if I give a shit la). What are we, in the dark ages? Skin contact not allowed until marriage? Oh puh-lease, come off it already.
And if by people who 'advise' you, you mean people who tell you what they think but you proceeded to switch on your selective hearing, how does that reflect on YOU? Spare me the I'm-so-noble-I-still-wanted-us-to-be-friends speech. Save it for when your scumette really needs it (a time such as now perhaps). If it were my nasty asshole of an ex-colleague, he would have told you it was because you didn't even have the balls to stand up for what you genuinely thought (without a speck of doubt) was right for you. Or you didn't have the balls to do what is painful and excruciating but for your own good. You could have listened. Why wait until now? Why wait until you have an excuse and someone to blame on?
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WE WOULD NEVER HAVE WORKED OUT. I loved you once. I continued to love you after that (yeah, after the whole being bi-sexual drama). But no matter how much feelings I poured out, you were still going to be who you are. Unambitious, whiny and just have a very poor sense of rationality in general.
My question now is, what is your next step? Go back to this bitch whose character is such that she sticks her nose into other people's business that is in the past and forever live under her thumb with no sense of freedom? Or wake the fuck up and take a good look in the mirror and figure out what you want to do that will propel you forward in life? It's one way or the other, there is no gray area, there is no doing both. There is no Golden Mean.
Lastly, yes. I AM happy. And yes. This IS the ending I wanted to see. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Kthxbai.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Unbelievable
I still cannot believe I come here and have these thoughts. They’re not really unpleasant thoughts, but they’re not really pleasant either. And I still cannot believe I have this vulnerability against this one particular song.
How easily I forget. How conveniently I dragged everything from one folder into that column. It draws a most unsightly grimace from me, even as I was about to break my own high score on Tetris.
Tetris. God, that game is such a classic. You know what would be cool to put in my house next time? A Pacman machine. The ones you see in the arcades like dinosaur years ago. Like in Weeds. Such beautiful lights. Such mesmerising neon lights. I would go crazy with that.
Oh yes. About the grimace. Almost as suddenly as I twitched my eyes and shrugged, I realised I was hurrying to the computer to skip the song and then proceed to delete it from my playlist. Weird isn’t it? How one song can make people do things, or not do things.
My hot barrister cousin (already no one can ever win a debate against a barrister, let alone a hot one - and yes I like to call her that, the hot one) asked me about it. Please don’t spare the juicy details, she added. Bawling drama ensued. Well, not really bawling like bawling. My ego had the courtesy of informing me that it was actually only half a tear. And cliché as it may sound, it suddenly hit me.
Was I upset because I really loved him, or was I upset because he was this prospect of a good life? There is no black and white, this one. Evidently, it would be easier if it were the latter because it is the easier out, the lesser of two evils. If I were to give it a certain percentage, I’d say 60-40. It’s not wrong, is it? To have such a high percentage on the prospect of a quality life? I read somewhere (and I can’t remember where) that being attracted to someone for the prospect of leading a good life is like being attracted to someone because of a particular skill like say, playing the piano, or belly dancing or something.
But I feel like I have wronged someone. So gravely. And I really am clueless as to how I’m going to make it up. Or make myself feel less guilty. Should I continue to be taken advantage of by said someone? Does this make it better? And if it does, for whom? Can you feel the eternal question changing now?
I remember going berserk. I flipped. And now there is no mending it. So I’m not getting calls anymore. But at what and whose expense?
Score 1 for another eternal question.
How easily I forget. How conveniently I dragged everything from one folder into that column. It draws a most unsightly grimace from me, even as I was about to break my own high score on Tetris.
Tetris. God, that game is such a classic. You know what would be cool to put in my house next time? A Pacman machine. The ones you see in the arcades like dinosaur years ago. Like in Weeds. Such beautiful lights. Such mesmerising neon lights. I would go crazy with that.
Oh yes. About the grimace. Almost as suddenly as I twitched my eyes and shrugged, I realised I was hurrying to the computer to skip the song and then proceed to delete it from my playlist. Weird isn’t it? How one song can make people do things, or not do things.
My hot barrister cousin (already no one can ever win a debate against a barrister, let alone a hot one - and yes I like to call her that, the hot one) asked me about it. Please don’t spare the juicy details, she added. Bawling drama ensued. Well, not really bawling like bawling. My ego had the courtesy of informing me that it was actually only half a tear. And cliché as it may sound, it suddenly hit me.
Was I upset because I really loved him, or was I upset because he was this prospect of a good life? There is no black and white, this one. Evidently, it would be easier if it were the latter because it is the easier out, the lesser of two evils. If I were to give it a certain percentage, I’d say 60-40. It’s not wrong, is it? To have such a high percentage on the prospect of a quality life? I read somewhere (and I can’t remember where) that being attracted to someone for the prospect of leading a good life is like being attracted to someone because of a particular skill like say, playing the piano, or belly dancing or something.
But I feel like I have wronged someone. So gravely. And I really am clueless as to how I’m going to make it up. Or make myself feel less guilty. Should I continue to be taken advantage of by said someone? Does this make it better? And if it does, for whom? Can you feel the eternal question changing now?
I remember going berserk. I flipped. And now there is no mending it. So I’m not getting calls anymore. But at what and whose expense?
Score 1 for another eternal question.
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