Cracked Monocle: December 2008

Have you ever seen so much bling in your life?

Unpolished precious stones.

In Thailand, there are two things to always keep in mind.

1. That the people are extremely patriotic. Their national flag will never be on ground level. Stepping on any object with their King's face on it is akin to murder.

And

2. That the people are extremely religious. You'd notice a small altar of worship in every other corner of a road.

Temple here.

Another temple.

One more temple.

Here's another.

Mind you, they're not the cheapskate wood and brick kind. These people use gold. Gold and other kinds of bling.

And the thing that makes them religious is that every time they pass by an altar like that, they bow their heads, close their eyes and say a prayer.

But me? Me, I do this.

*Hehe, just kidding about the gold. It's only gold paint*

Let's start off with the posey-posey tourist mandatory photos. You know, because nobody will be seeing any posey-posey tourist photos of Bangkok for a long time, since the Bangkok riots.

A few things to highlight:

1. One-third of the map of Bangkok is covered with temples (i.e. Wat Sam Phraya, Wat Arun, Wat The Hell, Wat Is That, Wat On Earth, et cetera)

The temple is a holy place. It is a place of meditation, it is a place of worship. Please cover/hide all areas of your anatomy that may be seen as impolite, offensive, or too sexy.

But if you must show skin, please do so only when nobody is watching. And kindly ensure that Buddha himself is sleeping, so as not to attract stray lightning bolts or tornados in your direction.

2. Buddha should be a model

Buddha must be the top poser of them all. See Buddha doing this.

And this.

And even this, starving himself for the sake of looking good. Tsk tsk tsk.

At one point Buddha was giving so many poses, that I got tired of snapping solo shots. So let's have Buddha clone himself and give us multiple shots at the same time!

3. Apparently, it is legal to steal in Bangkok.

It is OK for the mass public to install a huge ass satellite on the roofs of their wooden houses at the river side, so they can watch TV from all over the world! All the NHK and Nickelodeon they want, wtf.

4. Taxis in Bangkok are Toyota.

Most common taxi model is Toyota Altis. And in bright neon colors too!

5. Tourists are allowed to mendedahkan aurat in public when trying clothes on.

Take Ichiro for example. He decided to buy a few pairs of jeans (for a very cheap price ~~because he is a cheap person~~) And what do you do if there are no fitting rooms in sight?

Step 1. You wear a makeshift sarong with elastic gutters over what you're wearing.
Step 2. Stick your hands inside from the top to unbuckle. Slip out of your pants.
Step 3. Put on the pants you want to try on (without dropping the makeshift sarong).
Step 4. Remove makeshift sarong.

6. Thai people are mostly small-sized.

Mady and I attempted to do some lingerie shopping. But failed. (Not that I'm trying to imply anything here) Because the bras on sale there can only cover half my nipple.

But when it comes to sizes for other articles of clothing, they really give you a multitude of options for sizes.

Think I'll be able to fit in one of those XXXXXL pants? =D

7. Look out for the mandarin juice that is sold on the streets.

Only 100 baht! Super sweet and refreshing. No sugar added! Even the color is so pretty! Gee, now I sound like a friggin' ad.