Cracked Monocle

Mage Era - Immortal

2011-02-23T12:30:00.004+08:00

I have all the balls to put you in the title because I have something really mean to say. And I want to do it in your face. With a lot of spit, if possible (use your imagination).

After watching (and I'm too ashamed to even type the name out) Mage Era's video of "Immortal", all I felt was sympathy. I am sorry that you sucked many gay and straight men's unshaven, unwashed balls, like a vacuum cleaner.

It was pathetically boring.

Was the girl supposed to be walking backwards like that? Or was it a sorry alternative to a rewinding scene because your video production team couldn't do shit to save their sorry asses?

Girl walks by, picks up rose, leaves rose, picks it up again, leaves it again, picks it up yet again, leaves it yet again. And the scene plays on. And on. And on. And on. I get tired typing this out. Aren't you tired looping that ONE particular scene like that?

And one major point. WHERE IN FUCK'S SAKE WAS THE JAPANESE ROCK? To top it off, you could have adjusted the volume lower. Or perhaps you were hiding that lame excuse of a voice behind the not-very-enticing musical talents. Everyone was crap. Except the bassist (and I always say this) - the bassist is your saving grace. And the girl. The girl was quite cute.

But apart from that? Fail. Major epic fail maximus. Oxford ought to redefine the meaning of fail.

Go on, have your rebuttals ready. See if I give a shit.

The Eraser Working Wonders

2011-01-24T16:04:00.001+08:00

I have deleted you from my life. And you shall stay away from me for good.

Now, is there an alternate universe I can go to? =D

Ten Thousand Miles

2011-01-18T17:55:00.003+08:00

Everything you have done, you did them for me. You are thoughtful and that makes you selfish. Should it be this easy to let go? Should it be this easy to decide? I am selfish you see, it's true and block solid. Am I going to let go. For that slightest chance, that slightest prospect.

You and I, we have achieved milestones together. I don't know the weight of those milestones for you, but I know they burden my fatigued shoulders. It's not you, it's me, they say. How difficult can it be? To let go of something you and I have built.

Crashing Halt

2011-01-04T21:35:00.002+08:00

16, 20, 23, 27, 3.

I cannot handle it, I cannot play the game, not at this proximity, I cannot hurt myself, or let anyone hurt me, I am pulling myself out of the field.

Something you said resonates inside me. I am that horrible. I think she is your person. You really are the 2-sided storyteller. Salt, pepper and vinegar, all of them spices.

Surely it will sting still. For a longish time. Until I leave, or until you leave.

So it stops now.

Sins of 2010

2011-01-01T14:27:00.002+08:00

Hatred for the people who have screwed around with my emotions and the emotions of the people I loved.

Lust for the unexplored and indulgence of such great sins against those who love me most.

Deceptions that lay in the dark while my conscience tries to negate the good things in life that has happened to me.

Taker of life from possibly the most unprepared, unknowing soul and never looking back at my crimes.

Speculation and imagination that I allowed to roam freely in my mind, so much that doubt takes precedence.

Ill intentions for those who have harmed me and the people around me who have had nothing to do with the issue at hand.

Karma, please exact your revenge and clear my accounts today.

The Secret

2010-12-17T16:31:00.004+08:00

Last night I did the unthinkable. Last night I committed a sin so grave because I enjoyed it. It's a dirty word, but I still will not sigh. It took my breath away, I sunk my teeth into its flesh. My lips dried and started to split, drizzling blood onto its shell. I licked them clean, the blood - it tastes like metal. And then I hurried away like an illegally inbred child. And all night, I thought to myself what have I done?

Irrevocable Damages

2010-11-15T12:30:00.004+08:00

Do you know what I used to think about when I look at you? Do you want to know?

I picture you naked. And I remember your smell. Your small hands, the dainty knuckles. Your baby hairs on the back of your neck, always getting in my way. Your gay knees that wouldn't be straightened. Your eyelashes, so fine but so definitive. That gulp you do, so absolute.

I picture you naked. Defenseless. Simple and untainted. Pristine, even. I picture you naked. And that picture is seared into my mind. I had wanted you back. I still do.

Do you want to know what I think about you when I look at you now?

How much we have changed. And not necessarily for the better. I want to help you find the splinter that you cannot find. And draw you a map out of the puzzle. This Promethean curse you speak of shouldn't matter now. You have paid your due and I mine.

Reach out. Reach out and I will come for you. Until you do, expect that I will try to find MY solace in the ungodly. Just as you.

Wide Open

2010-11-10T12:17:00.002+08:00

Watch me or shoot me. I am already broken.

You are bound to your words, they seem like promises unfulfilled.

Well, so am I.

The Jarring Connection

2010-10-27T13:21:00.003+08:00

Yes, I come from a family of crazies. Crazed lunatics with psychotic tendencies. Whack-jobs who simply cannot be sedated or drugged in any way.

It's a chicken and egg thing. By agreeing, you are reinforcing that it is real, when in fact it is not. The more you agree, the more realistic it gets, the harder it is to back away from it, and the more you need to agree with it. Never take the blood for granted.

I am afraid to go home. Afraid to mind my own business. Afraid to walk to the kitchen. I am married to fear and to a family of crazies.

Apparently It's Over

2010-10-25T19:05:00.004+08:00

I really didn't mean to laugh. I was in so much pain from being a murderer. What constitutes manslaughter, I wonder. Evidently it's karma and I am paying the price for it.

I feel a little liberated, hearing that. It's unlikely that I will get my chance to probe and pry, or even get back into it. But I still feel liberated. Because I am evil. I am the Evelyn that doesn't exist. Face scarred, wicked thoughts, killer habits. I am Evelyn. But worse.

I think to myself, it could be anyone else. As long as it is not because of me, as long as I didn't have a part in it, as long as I didn't contribute to any of it happening.

Of Knicks And Knacks

2010-09-08T15:19:00.002+08:00

I don't update as often as I'd like to. And I can't remember what happened in the past several weeks so it's not like I can fill you in on anything.

There's been bits and pieces of this and that, a pinch of here and there though I am pretty sure a staple topic is that I'm perpetually penniless.

Today, I fixed up the side mirror on my car, the one I hulk-rage smashed over one of those weekends at a mall. Despite it costing me RM80, I was more than happy to pay for it. I don't know why. Knowing my compulsion to keep all my RM50 notes nice and together, I would have screamed in protest, perhaps even inflicting physical harm onto those around me. But no. Nothing of that sort.

I did come across something fun lately.

Lego.

And bacon. Oh, how will I choose?

If I could I'd go for Lego while eating bacon, but my blocks would have unsightly grease marks on them. Not something I want to do to my new-found hobby.

I think this train of thought is pushing me to purchase another Lego set. Something a wee bit more intricate. Today maybe? Hmm...

Productive?

2010-08-20T16:43:00.001+08:00

Maybe not. Not in terms of speed. I don't think it's because of work, but today, I feel like I have achieved something.

So much for a deep revealing emotional post. I'm wrecked beyond recognition.

Babies

2010-08-02T15:06:00.002+08:00

I can't quite grasp the fact that people my age are having babies. Why so soon? Isn't it too early to tie yourself down with a kid? The only pros I can cook up is that babies are tax deductible.

"This is my child, Discount"

"This is my offspring, Coupon"

"This is my spawn, Voucher"

"This is mini-me, his name is Notax"

Again

2010-08-01T21:25:00.002+08:00

I cannot believe I am going through this again. What is it, 7 times now?

Is seven even lucky? Fuck seven.

I will slowly figure this out. But until then, I think I will grow my nails. Perhaps longer than 4mm this time. That should help.

Salary

2010-07-26T11:38:00.003+08:00

It might as well be called celery.

I am 25 years old this year.

What I do at work.

I Facebook. Serve my cafe, restaurant, take care of my hotel, build my empire.
I read FMyLife.
I read comics. Questionable Content, Warehouse, Pictures for Sad Children, Not From Concentrate, Oatmeal, Pajama Forest.
I read online news. Star, MSNBC.
I do ad searches.

What I hardly do at work.

Work.

Geddit?

Sometimes people get jealous when they hear that I am overpaid. Sometimes they wonder why I am overpaid. Few ask me why I am overpaid.

I don't wonder anymore. I am paid to shoulder this dilemma.

In my past experiences, every single time I voiced an opinion, thought out loud, if you may, they are shot down. Point blank, in fact.

And now I have noticed something huge today. Something with an impact of epic proportions. I feel uneasy not doing anything about it. But I don't want to risk being told that I "don't get it". What should I do?

This is why they pay me. So whenever I feel like this, I should think of the money and just keep my damn pie hole shut.

Baby Oliver

2010-07-02T11:44:00.002+08:00

I don't like kids. But I am happy for the people who do. And who will love theirs. And who will teach theirs to be like them. Awesomefreakingblossom.

Spontaneous Decisions

2010-07-02T10:07:00.000+08:00

Thought really isn't my strength. Spontaneity however. That's like a whole other subject all together.

I managed to get a few educated feedback from several friends. I asked them how long did they ponder about it, before replacing their car with a new one? An upgrade, that is. And 5 of 6 said a few months. One said a year. He waited one year so he could save up enough for the down payment. But by the time he had thousands in cash, the model had already gone through a face-lift.

And he's one of those people who wouldn't buy a second-hand anything. Kinda like me.

I shudder when I think about what previous owners did in their cars before they sold it. Pick their noses and conveniently start a collection of different colored boogers on their steering wheels? Or hook up in the back seat and accidentally spunk up the car? Perhaps on a fateful night, got drunk and threw up all over the seat - what if puke juice is still inside the seat? Dried, but still there.

And then I turned to mommy dearest, whom despite many discouraging naggings in the past, and has this time decided that she will convince me rationally, calculated thoroughly how my life would cease to exist if I purchased a new set of wheels. And I completely agree with her.

And then I read someone's tweet and downloaded Hachiko. It brought me to tears and much research on dogs.

Why not get a dog instead of a car? It's 40x less expensive to begin with.

Rain Only

2010-05-10T17:18:00.002+08:00

Such a nice day outside. The torrential downpour happening out there is making me crave a steamboat feast.

I hope I don't bump into that asswipe of a friend.

Them Schoolmates

2010-05-08T20:06:00.002+08:00

It's kind of weird to see my ex-schoolmates all er, grown up. Everyone went separate ways, doing their thing. It's very judgmental of me but the top students I thought they were don't write very good English now. Why is that, anyway? It's not like I'm saying I'm better than them. Well, actually I am. At writing anyways.

But it's nice to see they all have a good life.

Makes me think what I've achieved in my life so far. Nothing.

I've been job-hopping. Making enemies. No doubt I'm getting paid more than the average yuppy my age. But I have nothing I'm particularly proud of.

At least they're getting married one-by-one. They've found their equal. Or getting there, at least. But where does that put me? Back where I first started out.

If I was ever given a chance, I would do everything differently. For one, I'd curb the eating compulsion. And actually give a shit about how I look in the public eye. Just aesthetically at least. I'd dump the temper and the macho facade. People think I'm too much of a man. I'd make an effort to please other people more. Right now it's always about me. And I never please anyone at the expanse of my own happiness or comfort. I would have done more with my life. I would have tried harder to keep up. I'd learn a useful skill. Spelling words backwards, perhaps.

I'd make a good copywriter, I swear. And I promise I won't be cryptic. And you won't have to decipher the meaning behind my labyrinth of thoughts.

Them girls have done very well for themselves. Nobody's scrawny and malnourished. Everyone's kept a good size. Got great personalities. Done well for themselves. All of them except several.

One who makes me want to gut her from the bottom up. Vladimir the impaler would be ashamed of himself. I want to slit her throat, sandpaper her face off her head. Ukranians would fear me.

Anyways, as I was saying. I'd do away with the temper. I'd try, at the very least.

But a narcissistic side of me still likes me now.

Scoff.

Words

2010-04-23T19:39:00.002+08:00

How I run out of words to speak my mind.

How I fuck all my grammar and sentence structure trying to tell you something.

It's not good. Or is it?

I hate that I'm doing to you what he did to me. I fucking hate it. I hate that I'm hurting you the way he hurt me. And it's not right. I hate me means that.

Why do others always want a chunk of this? You tilt my world this side and they tip over on that side.

Sometimes I think you're trying to wake me up. The reality is that you already did. But it was too late for me to liquidate that pang of guilt. And worse, the hate.

Why is everyone eavesdropping?

Almost

2010-04-15T18:21:00.003+08:00

Did you know how you almost lost me? Like I'm some chump change to you. That's how. Like you couldn't be bothered putting me in your wallet, so you just shove me in some part of your bag that you didn't even know existed.

You had your chance. And you put on an act then poured everything down the drain.

That was how you almost lost me. And this is how I am giving you away. Like chump change.

Wishlist

2010-03-29T15:51:00.001+08:00

Rozen Maiden dolls!

Long-coat chihuahua!

PlayStation 3!

Motorola Droid!

And some kisses. ^_^

Oh You

2010-03-17T22:22:00.003+08:00

How is it that after we've been apart for so long (and we never even managed to meet up that often anyway) you still find your way back into my heart? Who is giving you these powers and how can I get some?

Oh You You

Will I even measure up?

The Boys At Work

2010-03-16T13:26:00.000+08:00

They make me laugh the minute they start a conversationb. I'm sor happy with this sort of entertainment. :)

Blackness

2010-03-13T10:26:00.002+08:00

Why do you find a need to invade all my friends? My friends are NOT your friends. Why the fuck do you need to poke your nose into MY friends' business? Mind your own.

So Far Off

2010-03-09T23:10:00.001+08:00

I thought Domyouji was suppose to lose his memory and not remember Makino. -.-

Celup

2010-02-24T01:12:00.002+08:00

This is Daniel when you saw him last.

So cute.

This is Daniel now.

And the rest of the pack of tiny tiny humans.

You haven't met this one. Her name is Liya.

And Lilian.

And Ethan. Hunt. I am not kidding. His name is Ethan Senn Hunt.

And this is Ethan as Robocop.

I really love me some celups.

What Else Is There To Do?

2010-02-22T19:40:00.000+08:00

There isn't really much now, is there? Not when you've pulled the plug from the bath and tell the water that it can go anywhere it likes. Try it, you'll see.

And honestly, why do people tap their noses when they want you to keep a secret?

****************

Every time I hear this song, it reminds me of how sad and tragic the ending was, what with the self-sacrifice and love is justice and the tortured soul facades, but there aren't other ways it could have ended without it being a bucket load of crap.

Nakagawa Koutarou - Madder Sky

I Think I Feel Much Cleaner Now

2010-02-21T09:58:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought I've gotten rid of all the junk sitting in various corners of my room, there were yet thirteen bags full I've managed to collect and tightly fastened into non-recyclable shopping bags. Ah, what fate lies in wait for them.

Do you remember them book bands? You know, don't you? I found my trusty neon thingamajig in a box within a box and God help the nostalgia, this book band pre-dates everything else in my room! (It's funny, Malaysians. We use butter tubs as lunch boxes, plastic shopping bags as bin liners, old tees as doormats - if that's what you call them feet-wipes your mother puts outside the toilet, and shoe boxes as storage containers.)

Anyway, book bands are such nifty little things, aren't they? They keep your exercise books in check. They also kept me in check - when I was a mischief and my mother would grab whatever was in reach and gave me a nice spanking, and said book band wasn't very nifty then.

I threw away many things. All held memories. My first ever soft toy, for example. It was a green bunny with a yellow bow-tie and it was RM13, I think. From Daya (or was it Jaya) Supermarket in SS2. One which I very affectionately called Whiskers. Whiskers unfortunately has grown much darker than I remembered it. He was black.

Then there was one stray piece of evidence that I hadn't done very well for myself at school. History answer sheet. Score? 41 of 60. So much for being in the top students class. Clearly everyone else trumped me so badly that I felt the need to hide it in that box within a box.

And finally, the fads of school.

The straw roses (and I don't mean dry grass, I meant the cylindrical tube you drink your overly sweetened carbonated beverage with).

And the 'friendship bands' that cost you tons of patience to braid, not to mention a fortune on DMC threads and in those days, you just had to have every color conceivable, or at least one from each color group anyway. And there was no such thing as too many groups. There had to be light pink group and dark pink group.

Oh, and fancy 'autograph books' with like Hello Kitty's on it that said 'Nama' and 'Alamat' on every page for all your friends to write in and sign their most cursive signatures in a host of colors. Again, there had to be light pink and dark pink.

And lastly, a school memento that my mother treasured so dearly.

It was the annual prize giving event itinerary booklets from primary school. Every year, for academic excellence (derived solely from promises of sets of Garfield stationeries, video game consoles, Transformers action figures and Tamiya cars), I went up the stage. (In secondary school I was smarter, I had learned that the bribes my mother offered were fake so I slacked off). I, however, decide that I want to keep my bragging rights. I was awesome in primary school, OK. I'd get perfect scores in English and Math, and be top of the class and some years when I was promised much bigger things, I'd be top of my year. And that had resulted in my name being printed in bold in those booklets. And they have turned brown and disgusting, with so many unidentifiable stains on them, crime scene investigators would have a field day with them.

Yet, my mother insists on keeping them still.

In any case, my room has considerably less stuff now and I feel clean.

Thy Hobby Amazes Me

2010-02-20T20:09:00.000+08:00

I like someone who doesn't just like to read a bunch of books and get into rows about who's the berk and who's the prat. I fancy this much.

Falling Star

2010-02-19T12:03:00.001+08:00

You know what they say, don't you? Falling stars are good luck.

On the contrary, it'd be really bad if you really did catch a falling star. Nevermind that it probably won't fit in your pocket. Just a thought.

I wonder if this could be my falling star moment, however fleeting it may be.

No, don't follow me. I don't want you to. Here's to us. And all your lies.

Code Geass

2010-02-18T00:20:00.002+08:00

Both seasons equally steam but with a terribly sad ending. A lot of guns and bad ass action figure fighting in between, and the art is very Tsubasa Chronicles, but with a little something for the grown-ups.

♥

Kuroishi Hitomi - Continued Story

Funny You Should Be So Calm

2010-02-17T11:17:00.000+08:00

Unless this isn't your first time committing a crime, I really don't see how you can be so composed all the time. Do you always keep your cool like that?

I'd mail your 26 cents over to you if I could, if one senseless sentence would mean anything at all. Is it much to do with an infatuation - debauchery of epic proportions are going on here isn't it?

What I really want to know is, why was it so paramount for you to lie to me? You know what you did is like selling a car with a full tank of petrol. I just need to know why you lied. What sort of cupidity drove you to lie?

Sorry Doesn't Mean A Thing

2010-02-16T19:16:00.002+08:00

If you say you're sorry ten times over and over, the least you're doing is summoning up courage times ten and showing that you mean it right?

But when you're this far away, all you're doing is copying and pasting that one word. And it loses its meaning right after the first 'sorry', doesn't it?

Next Time

2010-02-14T22:15:00.000+08:00

I promise we'll do it properly, okay?

I promise.

It's Like Ice Cream

2010-02-13T15:27:00.000+08:00

On a warm day.

Your flailing attempts at preserving your pride. You're losing, aren't you? Kiss me goodbye tonight, I will return some of your pride.

One Of Those Moments

2010-02-12T19:02:00.000+08:00

It's safe now.

I've burned you in. I cannot explain you away anymore.

Quixote

2010-02-11T17:08:00.001+08:00

My goodness, people. It's pronounced 'key-yoh-tee' not 'quick-sot'.

An Old Story From A Distant Past

2010-02-10T21:22:00.004+08:00

Today was a good day. Not the happy sunshine and rainbows kind but still, no crisis counts for something no? I came home to clear my bookmarks and I found something that I had forgotten. Shoved so far into the back of my head, I think it could have felt lonely.

I am that kind of person who thinks about her exes all the time. It didn't matter how they treated me, or how I treated them or who had ended it. But there was this special one, who made me feel the crappiest. The truth is, I don't know why he was any exception. Maybe because he gave me a bouquet of lolly pops. Oh, you didn't know? Lolly pops were my thing some time ago. Maybe because he let me numb his feet by sleeping on them. Maybe I was just that shallow. I fell for all the little lies and empty promises and easy words.

But only him, I didn't occasionally bring up in my mind. True. Why, indeed.

Hiding that memory was the only way to recover. Burying it with all sorts of junk over the years and making sure nothing would accidentally leak out.

Do you remember Lynn? Do you remember that girl I used to talk about. She would never order her own meal but will always leech off everyone else's, then proceed to regurgitate. Today I stumbled in all the right places and it reminded me of all the wrongs you have done to me. I was stupid. And you were prized. In all your sob stories, you were precious. To many. And I wasn't exclusive.

Today I remembered how you've scarred me by telling all who were close to me about my impending heartbreak. Today I remembered what thick skin you have when you warned them to hide this from me. Today I remembered and maybe felt again like deja vu the helplessness of losing you, losing us. Today I remembered that I told myself it was silly to have put so much heart into one relationship after you left me for dead. And today is also the day that I remember that my life isn't over after all.

Because today, I've found someone. Someone close to my heart. Someone worth the trouble. Someone I've known for several years and whom I cannot imagine tearing me apart and leaving me to mend myself back into one. Someone who will solder the cracks shut. Someone who drapes me all over so that the pieces I've been gluing together, the holes I've been trying to fill aren't exposed for the world to see.

And today, you might as well be dead to me :)

Roadkill McSlaughter

2010-02-01T08:41:00.002+08:00

He is my joy.

Last night I picked him up and set him in front of the computer while I played Gemcraft.

He went near the mouse and I accidentally used Roadkill to move the cursor. No, he didn't poke me : )

But later he fell asleep in right next to my arm, to this song.

Clint Michigan - Hawthorne to Hennepin

I Am Not Unlike You

2010-01-31T23:47:00.005+08:00

What I am doing to you, as relieving for me as it is, is no less than human.

What I am doing to you, it gives me a rush of satisfaction.

I preach it. But what you did to me was horrible yet it is so easy for me to be punishing you the same way. I am no less human, no more a monstrosity. But I am more humane than you could ever be.

You.

Feel.

No.

Guilt.

Everything is just a gimmick to you. Every chance you get. Everything in your path. All subjected to your choices. The lesser, the outcasts. And you greed for the rest.

You are like one of those people who go around systematically pilfering champagne glasses from the parties you're invited to.

Many things you do disgust me.

You are shameful. There is no escaping that.

Yet, so am I.

Florence and the Machine - Cosmic Love

Very Steam

2010-01-27T22:11:00.004+08:00

First returning episode of Grey's Anatomy in 2010 is very steam.

If only it was that easy to pull a "Fine, then take him". You don't suppose it's about a certain vendetta now, do you?

Hmm...

Edit: Following episode was even more shocking. Eeesh fucking steam.

Hello Blondies

2010-01-26T10:07:00.004+08:00

Is it me, or does AJ Cook and ~~Bitchy~~ Britney Spears look alike?

****************

On an unrelated note, why is Lite FM playing Susan Boyd's song every morning. Tulannya.

Fish. Blah.

2010-01-17T01:34:00.002+08:00

I should cast a wider net right?

There's just one tiny hiccup.

The fish. Is it near or far?

Skim Cepat Kaya

2010-01-07T20:41:00.002+08:00

No fancy multi-level marketing nonsense, no thoroughly thought out rouse to trick people. No need for extra effort, no requirement to be highly educated or own a certificate of any kind.

How about a thrilling career as one of the following?

. Toll booth operator
. Survey or focus group participant
. Extra in a movie or TV show ie. dead body 1 and running kid 2

Or you could be the blonde lady who turns the letters on Wheel of Fortune.

Glass Pear - Last Day of Your Life

The Fireworks

2010-01-02T23:27:00.001+08:00

Were quite scarce ~~this~~ last year. It's taken a bit to convince myself that it's 2010 already. I swear I felt a shift in the space-time continuum.

While I am quite content to simply stay home in the presence of pillows in a perfectly mushed position, I get this feeling that I'm a bit old to show up in a sea of over-privileged teens and consume alcohol in that same vicinity.

I'm only 24.

And those two nights, they were good nights. Good. Relatively. Despite the fact that some bimbo stabbed my little toe with her sharpened heels. Oh yes, I thought it was a guy. But now I see a U-shaped imprint atop the skin covering my coagulated blood.

Bimbo: Noun. Vacuous female single-celled organism which crawls out of the primordial ooze who will one day be turning letters in her foreseeable future and the only way she'd know which letters to turn is when they ding and light up.

Why, yes. Happy New Year to all.

Erin McKeown - To The Stars

2010

2010-01-01T14:40:00.000+08:00

Wave goodbye at 2009.

What I Believe

2009-12-13T16:40:00.002+08:00

Is that men ruin my life. Bloody deranged savages.

I am not attacking all men. Just men that have been in my life. And not all of them. Most. And this is not a form of social transgression.

One sordid lie after another, and I am no saint but the lies that he has told me is more than enough to negate all the lies I've ever told, all 24 years of my life. And what is the most rudimentary thing that any relationship is based on? Trust.

So, no. He doesn't get to tell me I'm a liar. And he doesn't get to belittle me like I'm some smudge in his life. Doesn't he have just a tiny bit of him that feels any compunction at all to at least save the bantering for himself?

I'm In A Happy Mood These Days

2009-12-10T13:25:00.000+08:00

Another uplifting song. This one makes me want to just literally kick up my heels, pull up my skirt, grab a party friend, and bounce around until I pass out.

It's very ironic. I'm kind of caught in a bad situation but I'm happier this week than I've been in the past few months. It's absolutely astounding, utterly stellar, this mood that I am in.

West Indian Girl - Sofia

Cheer Me Up

2009-12-08T01:10:00.004+08:00

I don't know. I find this song very uplifting. Something about the building anticipation and waiting for the rush to hit you. And when it finally does, the floodgates open and it pours and completely washes over you and you feel this empowerment, like you can do anything and you do it today, do it now, take that chance.

Freezepop - Swimming Pool

It's Time

2009-12-07T16:30:00.003+08:00

Finally.

Today, I enjoyed the salubrious effects of Belle Fleur hand made chocolate. It was average RM12 a pop. But every bit worth the money.

I am a happy person.

: )

This Internet And Its Fiasco

2009-12-05T06:44:00.003+08:00

It's not like it's a revelation or something to me. But I do other things on the Internet too. I am not entirely useless, you know. With all the entertainment value that the Internet has been tied to, it does have other purpose for existence. Where did you think I heard about Tiger Woods getting beat up by his wife? Or the fact that I am and have been a (I can't even type this out, let alone say it out loud) person who "journalize on the Internet for public or selective viewing".

Some people I know, friends, make quite a bit of money on the net, while I'd be lucky if my Nuffnang earnings even make it to a four-digit figure. Decimal points included. Some of them write very well but they write for themselves. One I know writes terrific fan fictions. One day, while I could still be alive, she might get published. Who knows?

Most of my favorite music people are on Myspace. And it is all intricately done. Tour dates, blog subscriptions, events, video clips, playlists, networks, fan and friend comments, user feedbacks, music purchase, record signing possibilities. I am thoroughly impressed with all of this. Rummage through the abundant genres, the thousands of bands, solos, duets, the millions of songs, tunes, rhythms, whatever soothes the effects of the KL rat race on you.

Paparazzi Google and Wiki every available information, link, hint to get to people. My boss made me search Iproperty and filter through the hundreds of property developers. In my free time, I check out TopatoCo, CafePress and Zazzle my way into shirts, henleys, blazers and hoodies. And to complete the whole experience, I write about it as part of the mundane life I'm leading, which I am currently working on making untrue, so I include a bonus audio accompaniment. And that would require some Ares searching and Fileden hosting.

And to see if I've slaved myself for the past one month for something of some sort of remote value, Maybank2u tells me I only have a few hundreds left to spend this month. And I don't even dare to imagine the bills I have taken up since my increment. It's not that I am a petulant child and sound a complaint every month, but the banking account numbers are not in my favor. These digits I've been forging, they see attrition in the most explicit fashion and it pains me. I am pointing fingers now. This is all because of Internet banking. Thanks. With this, I don't even get to feel the actual cold hard cash before I give it away to some stranger on the receiving end, who is sitting comfortably just pressing numbers on her keyboard to indicate which bill I have or have not paid. Assuming that is how it works.

It's a vicious, fearful cycle as I hunt for yet another job, with a higher pay so I can afford some luxuries once in a while. Only to hear my mother share with me a most expensive form of home repair or refurbishment that she intends to do over the next couple of months. All this nagging while I have my earphones on because I am watching my damn Dexter Season 4 Episode 8 which I have conveniently downloaded. TVRSS does not fail me.

When I do get the chance to, Jobstreet doesn't think I'm qualified enough to apply for that job. But whatever. So I cough up another bizarre and out of the ordinary cover letter claiming to be the King of the World so I can take on the tasks my mother has tasked upon me.

Did you know that particular episode was named Roadkill as well? My hedgehog is famous on Dexter. Except, his name is Roadkill McSlaughter. He is showing some signs of loneliness. So I hop on the search engine and try to figure out what could make him happy and less lonely, something short of getting a bleeding female counterpart. This opens a whole new career for me. I am now an avid collector of garbage. I keep empty toilet paper tubes to make him tunnels for him to sniff around in and play with. Does this garner a higher pay? Probably not.

Another curious question to which I think I have an answer to. With so many things one can do on the Internet, in which order do you do it? Let your current situation lead you into it? Or load up on as much information as you can before committing yourself to 5 and a half years of cleaning hedgehog poop? Again, I don't think that it is wise for me to share this one right now.

****************

In its place, I should probably share this song. Totally unrelated. But I've been raving about them for a while, so I thought I'd justify myself.

Uh Huh Her - Say So

The Behavioral Study of Internet Downloads

2009-12-01T23:25:00.005+08:00

Wow. This is shockingly reflective. I happen to be in a deeply reflective mood today. Well, not of myself of course. Of other things. Must say that I am not in any sort of dire need to self-indulge and talk about feelings tonight or any form of emotional debauchery for that matter. Feelings are boring. Feelings are intangible. Intangibly insignificant.

For obvious reasons, you and I, we are both here. It's a World Wide Web full of Hyper-Text Markup Language and Active Server Pages. You're hooked and you can't live without it. Probably. And our imaginary friend for adults is oh-so-kind as to let us meet here, with you random very few who read my random very intrepidly shameless ramblings from time to time. And it doesn't matter if you're an atheist because no names are named here.

I am going to take you on a journey of maybe chronologically assembled events, possibly from the time you click that one apparently embossed icon on your desktop or wherever you put all your shortcut keys. Subject: duh, not you.

The first thing I do is to check my e-mail. Click. Junk mail, junk mail, oh, what have we here - 3 million free flights, more junk mail, time to pay my bills, junk mail again, will Facebook ever stop sending me notifications? And on rare occasions in my monotonous life, I get an actual electronic mail from an actual person. None of that computer-generated crap. I keep what I want to revisit, and trash out the rest. And sometimes I regret for trashing them.

Ah, an instant message from an acquaintance. Oh, you want to know how I am? Today, of all days? Why, hello there. I am fine. Thank you. Now will you please just be a Yenta somewhere else and go back to minding your own business Talk to me when you really want to talk to me instead of using me to hide your pathetic loneliness. Boy, am I grumpy.

And then I Facebook. No hassle there, user ID and passwords have already been saved. Farmville invites, Yoville gifts, please spare me. Again, I delete what I don't like - same as yesterday, and the days before that. Ooh, Cafe World! Let's whip up something. Something that takes 12 hours to cook so I can serve it the minute I wake up tomorrow morning. Voodoo Chicken Salad maybe? Then I save progress and let the game run by itself.

Moving on to Myspace. Click, click, click on Music. I am feeling a little Alternative tonight. Let's listen to maybe Three Days Grace. Pretty well played. So I open a new tab on my browser.

Isohunt, look out. Pop some keywords into the search field. My, my. Choices, choices. Pause for just a split second to think if my Utorrent is overworking on the downloads. Check. Wow. Dexter, Bones, Madmen, Criminal Minds, Weeds, Private Practice, Grey's Anatomy. Shoot. But I cannot resist clicking one of every title I see. Okay, this one has a song that's already in that previous one I clicked. Let's forgo this one for now. Save as bookmark.

Oh, hello there, Questionable Content. Any episodes today? Loading, loading. Yes. Short read and quickly dismissed laugh. Find Twitter icon. Click. Whoa, this Spinzer is totally hogging my entire screen. Tweet something invisible, maybe tonight someone will notice my message and actually get it. Apparently, I get cryptic when I get to say just 10 words or less. Stalk some people. And I'm done for the night.

Be thankful. Or not, whatever keeps your blithe and merry. You have just seen my psychotic behavior on the Internet. And I don't just mean the stalker bit. I do most my stalking on notebooks, usually consisting names and hearts of all shapes and sizes and colors around them.

Well, the point is. From the very second you log on to anywhere, to do anything, and I really do mean anything at all, you are presented with options. You make decisions, probably of very tiny consequence (seriously, what do you have to lose if you don't accept the Kung Pao Stir Fry - it's virtual anyway), or you make a huge impact on someone else's life by say, telling your best friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her. With you.

I'm extremely curious. What influences all these decisions and choices? I have a few theories of my own. And I think they only make sense to me. Sorry, I'm not feeling any more of that generosity of sharing personal information. Maybe next time, when the fountain of eternal youth is built.

****************

In the meantime, here's a piece of my playlist. It's a bit long, I know. But it's worth it. I especially liked the beginning.

The Maine - Into Your Arms

Promise Me You'll Never Go Away

2009-11-26T20:55:00.001+08:00

Vodka and Solo Lemon is such a great match.

Tegan and Sara - My Number

Oh. Come. On.

2009-11-25T11:41:00.002+08:00

Don't bloody annoy me with your constant inane ramblings. Shut up already. I don't have time to deal with insignificance, ones such as yours.

Uh Huh Her

2009-11-24T22:36:00.002+08:00

People should totally listen to them.

The Menace In Me

2009-11-23T10:36:00.002+08:00

I think it's time for a wake up call. I've been behaving like a recluse for the past, I don't know, three weeks? Immersed in a sense of narcissism.

I am churlish. I am cynical. I am unaccommodating. I am niggardly. I am a menace that walks this land. Her stale limpid eyes pierce through my heart. Am I bound to this life, or am I clinging on to it?

Sometimes you think I don't care. Sometimes you miss me. Sometimes we walk together. Sometimes you frustrate me. Sometimes you make me jealous. Sometimes I frighten you. Sometimes you frighten me. But not always.

I think it takes a certain degree of sacrifice. I want to eviscerate myself for you because every glance I steal I feel completely dismantled. I will give you my pulpy putrid mass of a heart. But I am selfish in my reticence. I ~~cannot~~ will not give you the miles of mountains you ask for.

I am a menace. You know it. I know it.

Tweety

2009-11-20T09:35:00.003+08:00

Is the current favourite. Only because it is free of a certain poison that will hop on the bandwagon.

Two stalks of roses,
Two lines of thorns,
One perfectly hidden,
One out in the open.

Well, lookie here. I can write me poetry sometimes.

Please Shut Up

2009-11-19T15:12:00.002+08:00

I cannot hear myself think. On some days, it quiets down. But today, it gets so loud.

Magneta Lane - The Constant Lover

Skippidee Skip

2009-11-16T12:39:00.002+08:00

For three-quarters of 48 hours over the weekend I stayed put at home and drowned myself in The L Word. And it was great.

For whatever I am feeling right now, I don't know if it's just a phase. There was always this pull factor.

PS: Serves Jenny Schecter right, that psycho lunatic nut case.

Damn The Sore Ears

2009-11-11T23:02:00.003+08:00

God forbid if my 70-year-old mother should hear any of this. So my ears are sore. On a brighter side of things, there is this song.

Tracy Bonham - Naked

****************

I spilled my guts on your best shoes.

Pening

2009-11-10T14:29:00.001+08:00

Don't you want to fuck her?

Heart is throbbing.

WPE 8511

2009-11-10T10:13:00.000+08:00

Screw you, egoistic scumbag. I hope you crash your car, paralyze yourself and slowly rot to death into a piece of disgusting gooey mush.

Roundabout

2009-11-08T19:22:00.001+08:00

I never found out how to be. And I regret it.

FML

2009-11-02T21:38:00.002+08:00

No, seriously.

FML.

RM2,5XX ÷ 16pcs = FML

You Are Evil

2009-10-26T00:46:00.000+08:00

And I would like to watch your flesh disintegrate into mush.

Thanks.

The Current Job

2009-10-21T22:55:00.002+08:00

Is quite shitty.

But I love it. Even if it's killing all my friends one by one. I love it.

At least I am learning something. At least I can use that something to increase my self-worth.

I am tired. But it's so worth it. I love it.

: )

Don't Be Such A Wuss

2009-10-18T23:11:00.003+08:00

And pin it on the person who is most likely to have committed the crime.

And blame it on the easiest target because you thought of an excuse to make it happen.

And seek apology from the person who got rid of your trash for you.

And whine in a corner or sulk with your face in the wall.

Because that bitch hates me before even knowing me in person (and I am a fun person - hence the bitchy jokes or schadenfreude that comes from the blurts). So what does that say about her?

The minuscule Klang Valley that we live in would do better if she would have minded her own bloody business and not point her aimless hatred and rage at people she doesn't even know, then pin it on jealousy. It's like what did I ever do to that low-life scum(ette) anyway? I didn't call her names (not until now, at least), I didn't badmouth her, I didn't spread rumors about her (like others once subjected me to), I didn't even so much as exchange glances with her before she started hating me. The only reason I can think of is that you and I, we have always gotten along well and after you mercilessly dumped the ex, while still keeping in (relatively) close contact with me made her feel dissatisfied on your ex'es behalf. Again, mind your own bloody business. What? Jealous because I had that kind of power over you? Hello? The keyword here if you're too stupid to know is HAD.

By the way, El is hands down, winner by a landslide, in a no-brainer survey a far better person that that piping idiot (in this life or the next) could ever be. She, I kind of liked. Just for her well-mannered, soft-spoken behavior.

Although, I suppose it was the alcohol (I'm such a wuss too, I'm blaming the alcohol - but alcohol causes one to lose their inhibitions, no?) that fueled what was an inappropriate action. If there was one thing I'd be sorry about, is how slowly you will realize how good El was for you. (Okay, and maybe that I should have done it secretly instead of right in front of her, because technically, on a good day, everyone gets hugs from my very well insulated beer belly and flabby but cushiony arms). But honestly? If she can dump you because some random ex was generous with cuddles, it doesn't really say much about her feelings for you, does it?

Now of course I could have minded my own bloody business too, you know, just for the effect of kettle calling the pot black, which is just about all that I am sorry for. You of all people should know hugs, kisses and bodily contact in general come easily with me (I'm actually friendly-ish you know, if I give a shit la). What are we, in the dark ages? Skin contact not allowed until marriage? Oh puh-lease, come off it already.

And if by people who 'advise' you, you mean people who tell you what they think but you proceeded to switch on your selective hearing, how does that reflect on YOU? Spare me the I'm-so-noble-I-still-wanted-us-to-be-friends speech. Save it for when your scumette really needs it (a time such as now perhaps). If it were my nasty asshole of an ex-colleague, he would have told you it was because you didn't even have the balls to stand up for what you genuinely thought (without a speck of doubt) was right for you. Or you didn't have the balls to do what is painful and excruciating but for your own good. You could have listened. Why wait until now? Why wait until you have an excuse and someone to blame on?

THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WE WOULD NEVER HAVE WORKED OUT. I loved you once. I continued to love you after that (yeah, after the whole being bi-sexual drama). But no matter how much feelings I poured out, you were still going to be who you are. Unambitious, whiny and just have a very poor sense of rationality in general.

My question now is, what is your next step? Go back to this bitch whose character is such that she sticks her nose into other people's business that is in the past and forever live under her thumb with no sense of freedom? Or wake the fuck up and take a good look in the mirror and figure out what you want to do that will propel you forward in life? It's one way or the other, there is no gray area, there is no doing both. There is no Golden Mean.

Lastly, yes. I AM happy. And yes. This IS the ending I wanted to see. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Kthxbai.

Unbelievable

2009-10-06T23:49:00.000+08:00

I still cannot believe I come here and have these thoughts. They’re not really unpleasant thoughts, but they’re not really pleasant either. And I still cannot believe I have this vulnerability against this one particular song.

How easily I forget. How conveniently I dragged everything from one folder into that column. It draws a most unsightly grimace from me, even as I was about to break my own high score on Tetris.

Tetris. God, that game is such a classic. You know what would be cool to put in my house next time? A Pacman machine. The ones you see in the arcades like dinosaur years ago. Like in Weeds. Such beautiful lights. Such mesmerising neon lights. I would go crazy with that.

Oh yes. About the grimace. Almost as suddenly as I twitched my eyes and shrugged, I realised I was hurrying to the computer to skip the song and then proceed to delete it from my playlist. Weird isn’t it? How one song can make people do things, or not do things.

My hot barrister cousin (already no one can ever win a debate against a barrister, let alone a hot one - and yes I like to call her that, the hot one) asked me about it. Please don’t spare the juicy details, she added. Bawling drama ensued. Well, not really bawling like bawling. My ego had the courtesy of informing me that it was actually only half a tear. And cliché as it may sound, it suddenly hit me.

Was I upset because I really loved him, or was I upset because he was this prospect of a good life? There is no black and white, this one. Evidently, it would be easier if it were the latter because it is the easier out, the lesser of two evils. If I were to give it a certain percentage, I’d say 60-40. It’s not wrong, is it? To have such a high percentage on the prospect of a quality life? I read somewhere (and I can’t remember where) that being attracted to someone for the prospect of leading a good life is like being attracted to someone because of a particular skill like say, playing the piano, or belly dancing or something.

But I feel like I have wronged someone. So gravely. And I really am clueless as to how I’m going to make it up. Or make myself feel less guilty. Should I continue to be taken advantage of by said someone? Does this make it better? And if it does, for whom? Can you feel the eternal question changing now?

I remember going berserk. I flipped. And now there is no mending it. So I’m not getting calls anymore. But at what and whose expense?

Score 1 for another eternal question.

Seven-Thirty

2009-09-23T08:14:00.004+08:00

Can't remember the last time I woke up at seven-something. All in the name of showing some gian-ness for the first day at work.

And oh my God. It is hard.

Edit
Ching announces "Don't know when was the last time I woke up at seven-something."
Boss replies "Today."

So brutal :(

The Cast of Weeds

2009-09-20T12:39:00.003+08:00

I don't know. Is Hunter Parrish hot?

But this one definitely is. Look at those big bright doe eyes.

I don't know. I'm liking Weeds better than Dexter.

Happy Raya all.

Bag-Packing

2009-09-17T11:37:00.002+08:00

Updates!

Going to pack my bags and haul them over to a new place. I've been bought out. I'm doing the same-shit-different-place thing.

Also managed to kenzzz the food poisoning whaturf. It's not funny. I had anal leakage. No fun. No fun at all. Stuff were exiting both ways. Up north and down south. Seriously not fun.

Counting down to Sydney. This is so exciting. Finally, finally, finally.

: )

The Neighbour's Spitz

2009-09-04T09:19:00.002+08:00

The neighbour had a crazy dog (using past tense is so upsetting right now). He's attempted several attacks on me. Yet, when I come home from work at night, he stands on his hind feet by the divider to greet me. And I've come to like this psychotic excuse of a canine. Mom feeds him cabbage and eggs most nights.

This morning, I woke up to mom's scream for help. She was outside, watering the plants. The DBKL men were here. Crazy dog was surrounded by three men with these sticks with a wire hoop at the end (what do you call those anyway?). My mom screamed and pleaded with them not to take him away. He belonged to someone (OMFG past tense again).

They wouldn't listen. My mom, in a desperate attempt to get the dog to come into our house, accidentally 'watered' two of the men. They thought it was intentional and yelled back (like wanna fight kind of yell). Mom apologized but yelled back and said we are all Malaysians, there is no reason to fight.

I can't decided whether I should use the word asshole or retard (but I have reason to believe it's both), but he said I am Indian. I am from India. Mom didn't like racial issues so she scolded 'Well, why are you still here? Go back to India!' While they were having this argument, the other guy secured crazy dog.

And mom, aunt and I watched as they dragged the poor dog by the neck up the van. Murphy was barking in protest. Tong Tong and Fan Shu too.

Mom said she tried her best to get crazy dog to come into our house. She yelled for the neighbour to come out and take crazy dog back. Neighbour didn't show. The last time that happened to their dog, who was crazy dog's mother, neighbour was standing right there and refused to pay the RM30 fine. So she just watched her get dragged away and eventually, put down. Cold-blooded cow. The last time, mom took 2 weeks to get over it.

And this house. Mom's a dog lover. Aunt's a dog lover. Me, I just have a soft spot for animals.

And my home will mourn the loss of this crazy dog for a week because all of a sudden, there's no crazy dog to feed.

Firefox Says I'm An Embarrassment

2009-08-31T15:16:00.001+08:00

T_T

I Think Emo Went For A Vacation

2009-08-28T22:52:00.004+08:00

And I hope it never comes back.

My computer loves me too much. It refused to play just this one song, and in its place, I was forced to play Jyukai, so will you just stop asking me already? I don't know what I am trying to pickle here. I am obviously, and with good reason, not a bloody cook.

****************

I try to convince myself that my mom hadn't discovered some sort of chronic illness that will render her unable to nag me for the rest of my life. It also scares me terribly because I have attachment issues. Who else will be my resident nagger, my midnight stalker, my first-aid kit, my slumber-molester, my snore opera?

And apparently, paranoia came to visit.

Ridiculous Beyond Human Comprehension

2009-08-18T17:38:00.002+08:00

I have just one thing to say about bosses who bring the entire family reunion to their workplace.

This is undeniably the most ridiculous most unprofessional thing an employer can do, IT IS NOT FAMILY FUCKING DAY, you moronic imbecile.

You don't tayang the success of your clickety-clack-shoe-wearing three sperms every single day at work, you just don't.

Some Pieces Left

2009-08-11T02:01:00.002+08:00

I thought I was kidding me. The inane ramblings totally skipped my mind. For a minute there, I was breathing inside this sphere. Some pieces left and some came back, there are some left.

I just remembered this sudden thing. That I have this song. When I do this thing, I hear this song. When I nestle. Or at least try. Seems about right now. Finally it's falling. Your song keeps me company sometimes. Sometimes I don't care for them but they haunt me. In a way.

Funny how a way and away mean almost two different things. If you're lost in a labyrinth of crypts and if you've exhausted all your means of escaping and just curl up in a ball and watch your life fade to a noise of whites and grays and escaping blacks. Funny, isn't it? Funnier how I like away more because a way pulled me back on a leash, its tug so degrading there is no mending it.

You and I, we will coat ourselves with hot tarmac and burn them down. I hope, at least. At least I'm pretty sure I'm in the right spot for that now.

Langkawi 2009: Operasi Telan

2009-07-27T23:47:00.002+08:00

Purchase successful: 3 crates.
Fridge capacity: 70 cans.

Not Random

2009-07-20T09:20:00.003+08:00

I want so bad to call you and talk to you and be there for you. But I am afraid. Afraid I would make it worse. I know it's selfish of me but I am afraid I will cry too. Just know that I love you, OK? I love you. So much.

Updates

2009-07-19T19:16:00.005+08:00

1. I have short hair.

2. I am going to Langkawi.

3. I have a life (away from Facebook, Twitter and Blogspot).

4. I found awesome friends (my kind of friends) in the form of Laupiah, Miao, Lamb, Socialslut, OMFGFADC, Babybumface.

5. Life is looking good now : )

****************

A happy song for a happy day. OMFG so cute.

Otsuka Ai - Momo no Hanabira

I Have Hand Tail OK!

2009-07-13T19:15:00.000+08:00

Coffee went OK.

Except, are good looking guys boring? Because this one is. We might as well have ASL-ed each other.

No. No do. >.<

Dear Satan

2009-07-12T14:31:00.001+08:00

Would you lend me a dollar?

Coffee

2009-07-08T12:29:00.002+08:00

Dear Mr. KY Teoh/Kenny Sia,

In light of your recent interest in my case of Get-Contact-While-Driving occurence, I am delighted to inform you, said offender has made contact earlier today.

We are going for coffee this weekend. However, there is strong doubt that booty will happen during this appointment.

Thank you for your inquiry and I will keep you posted.

Regards,
Ching

Misia - Snow Song

2009-07-07T23:45:00.002+08:00

My OMFGFADC said this was damn good. But I didn't believe him.

I've changed my mind. The animation itself is so pretty!

Perfect for X-Cuddlemaster-3000 nights.

<3

Sand Animation

2009-07-02T02:01:00.001+08:00

This is absolutely beautiful. I couldn't bear to blink my eyes.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Watermelon Skin

2009-07-01T21:27:00.002+08:00

After eating super spicy pan mee at Bao Bao today, I felt my tummy churning.

And you know what they say about eating spicy and shitting spicy. Here's a quick solution.

You eat a slice of watermelon, this will cool your tummy.

Then save the skin to gosok your butt crack to relieve the burning sensation. This will cool the ahem.

Disclaimer: Slipping on watermelon skins are uncommon, but should that happen, I shall not be held responsible.

People Really Do This

2009-06-30T08:22:00.002+08:00

The funniest thing happened to me yesterday, while I was stuck in the jam along Federal Highway.

This chee bye black Satria Neo tried to jump queue by going on the emergency lane. So I was damn tu lan because look, we are all stuck in the same shit. Why should you be so special as to move to the front of the queue?

And so I steered slightly to the left. Not really on the emergency lane, but hogging enough space to block him. (Smug laugh here)

At the turning into LDP (more commonly known as the Motorola turning), he couldn't stop looking over at me. So I looked back. And he looks back. And I looked back again. And this happened for like the next 500m or something. So I beh tahan (because this dude quite cute la) and mouthed 'What?' to him.

He sticks out his thumb and pinky and waves it next to his face. Then he signals me to wind my passenger side window down. I ignored it. But he couldn't stop harassing me. (Good thing?) So I wound the damned window down and gave him my number.

Then I sped off thinking in the exact words of ha ha ha ha ha ha.

You Cheated!

2009-06-29T00:26:00.006+08:00

And I caught you.

No matter how relentless you are, I just keep catching you, don't I? Oh, yes. Be afraid. Be very afraid. And if I could, I would grow me some eyes on the back of my head.

He taught me something today. That mistakes cannot be transfered from one to another. A lesson that came from much affection. He gives me something to look forward to. Even after I've given him the demons residing in my clogged veins. One could not hope for more.

Jane Siberry - Calling All Angels

No This Is Not Dinner Okay!

2009-06-28T00:19:00.004+08:00

That's code. For er...

I'm not telling :P

I was planning to diarise something really fun, but as luck would have it (yes, sometimes Lady Luck gets drunk and forgets she hates me), I'm going to show you a deep, revealing post about myself.

Not.

Marriage is like "willingly entering the last legal form of slavery" according to 27 Dresses anyway. Who would've thought my slave was there since the beginning of time? And it took me the longest 5 years of my life to see it.

Dahling, I think you were wrong. And right, at the same time. There was a reason why this didn't happen so many years ago. We had other priorities at that time. And without these past 4 plus years, and the drama we both went through, I probably wouldn't see it in the first place. It was right under my nose all this time.

Do you know something? I can see this happening. I really can. I haven't been happy for a while. I deserve this, don't I? This time, I won't screw up, because he already knows everything there is to know about me. From the very beginning of it.

I hope you're happy for me. And one last thing. About you. You know you can't plan these things right? My advice is to just stick with it until there's really nothing else that can be done. I want you to be happy too, you know.

: )

If You Get It, You're My Hero

2009-06-26T08:24:00.004+08:00

Friday, June 26, 2009.
It's on. I'm off again.

Friday, July 3, 2009.
It's on again. I'm off.

Friday, July 10, 2009.
It's on. I'm on too.

Thursday, July 16, 2009.
It's on. I'm off too.

Thursday, July 23, 2009.
It's on. But I'm not off.

****************

P/S: Alcoholics in office w00t! :D

Thursday Already!

2009-06-25T08:45:00.004+08:00

Nobody gives a shit about Thursdays. Everyone's already looking at Friday and thinking what to do.

I was tipsy at the mummy-dinner. We had drinks in office. Those alcoholics. I had a reason okay. The Ipoh flyers came out wrong! Very stressed one!

Free movie today. Darling, when can we get our you-know-what and our you-also-know-what? I cannot wait. I think Jim Brickman's songs would do good too!

Finally, I genuinely don't care anymore. Up until Monday, without fail, the capital 'I' was lying around so inconspicuously, but still so obviously there. I just realized today, that it's not there anymore! : )

Sunday will be a blast, you'll see.

Cheerios!

Bali 2009: Kenny's Effing Cold Expression

2009-06-23T20:49:00.001+08:00

Rupa-rupanya it is so easy to create an animated gif.

Muahaha...

FYI, he's also quite power la. Despite the cold, he managed to complete doing the whole 12-statue ritual thing while us girls just watched and recorded his facial expression. Too bad this Picasion thing only lets me upload a maximum of 10 photos. I have like 40 photos of his face all scrunched up. Hahaha...

Found My Calling

2009-06-22T11:12:00.001+08:00

Guess what my MSN nickname reads!

"Fuck you right back Arthur!"

Fuck you again and again Arthur! Rawr!

Okay, so this is my calling. Two Fridays ago, I joined the OMFGFADC and friends for beer. It was so much fun. But then came the wives, so I guess everyone kind of had to tone down the wild side.

But I swear on my own tombstone, last Friday was freaking awesome blossom okay! This is my calling. I'm sure of it. I am calling it my weekly Vitamin B meetings.

There was this game. They called it the 'Fuck You' Game. You fuck somebody, flip open a card, somebody calls out to either double your fuck or divert your fuck to someone else, then you drink (the card row multiplied by the number of fucks you get), and right before you put your glass down, you have to fuck someone else, failing which you have to drink again.

It isn't as complicated as it sounds. This game of drunken politics is by far, the best and most effective drinking game I've ever played! The OMFGFADC got chewed with 5 mugs in less than an hour. Poor fellow.

Beer, people. Is my calling.

****************

I did it. I did it. I did it! I've never felt so liberated in my life before! :D

Bali 2009: Going Places Tra-la-la

2009-06-21T10:37:00.002+08:00

Bali this year may be the best thing that has happened to me. It taught me one thing. Never frown no matter how glaring the sun is and must definitely shamelessly appear in photos more. Okay, that's two things.

Cabs are quite cheap in Bali, especially when sharing with 4 other people.

I was determined to learn how to surf. But it was a bit boh shiok doing it alone, so I managed to bug someone to do it with me.

Since the beach was quite a distance away, surf shop dude gave us a ride. Three of us on ONE bike. You know how many laws we are breaking if we do this in KL?

Kenny whips out he trusty G10 and proceeds to whoresnap.

Now I know this is hardly proof that I managed to squat for 2 extremely proud seconds, surfing is so much harder than it looks. By the way, the surfboard is quite heavy, so there was a guy hiding behind it to support the weight. Hur hur hur...

Kenny Sia. Yeng. Hou lan yeng.

I needed to get rid of the sand from the cibai, and Kenny just wanted to wash the salt water off. So we asked the guy where we could grab a quick shower. He asked us to follow him. To a tap. He then proceeded to fill a bucket with water. And then he points. And he says. This is shower. O-khay-then. -.- And yes, I know his body effing hot. No need to tell me so many times ok.

There was this dude who wanted to take photos with us. I thought it was quite bizarre. But very flattered la, because with me, there were three other totally hotness girls la.

After a tiring surf lesson, we headed to (I think) the Nusa Dua beach. Sadly, there weren't any topless chicks to ogle at.

Photographer thinks to himself "This dude damn lucky leh". *smirk*

Some guy approached us and asked if we wanted any photos taken.

We said yes. Doh.

I wasn't aware that my feet were in the process of being immortalized. But thank you Kenny, because I love this photo!

Then we went get our (insufficient) supply of shrooms. We entrusted that bottle to Rin here, who, at dinner, asked for a bowl of ice especially to keep the shrooms cold and not icky. We have elected the right guardian of the shroom. Hahaha...

Dinner at Jimbaran. Don't suppose I need to tell you again to not get conned by the lobster, right.

The Ubud market is kind of like the Malaysian equivalent of Central Market.

Jac does a pfft at Kenny. Me in the background going beh.

Spot the pretty girl!

Spa time! Here's where I ride a motorbike for the third time in my life. After that, for some very peculiar reason unbeknown to man, I kind of got hooked.

Best 2 hours of my life! I fell asleep during the lulur.

Huge statue of some scary-faced god of some sort.

We are this close to absorbing all the local people's bad luck.

We sure look happy now. Wait till we dip our lucky feet into the pool of unfortunate water.

There. Absorbing 15% done. 40% done. 75% done. 90% done. 100% completed. We're screwed.

These two trot by and without a care in the world, dipped their feet in too! Silly, silly girls.

It was freaking cold. And not the sitting in air-conditioning for the whole day then take cold shower kind of cold. It was the freezing kind of cold. These people all damn power ok. I am going to google how to make my own gif icon. Then I'm gonna try posting Kenny's reaction to the cold. He was the only one who went and did the whole 12 statues praying thing. Like a ritual of some sort.

View of the sunrise from our rooms. Let me recall a most traumatic event. The previous night, when we arrived at Padangbai, there was a blackout. So we decided to drive out to hunt for food. On the way back, we were so hungry that we stopped at a roadside stall for ~~chicken~~ ~~dog~~ chicken (or so they claim) satay. I think Kenny and I whacked like half of it. Until we decided it wasn't so good and went back to the hotel area to eat. Wasn't any better either. I shat shit juice that night.

Back to the pretty, pretty sunrise (which Rin and I didn't manage to catch because we couldn't be bothered waking up at 5 in the morning).

Breakfast at the hotel was refreshingly, quite decent. I like this photo of us : )

Heading out to the snorkeling site. Silhouette photos tend to look artsy, don't you think?

Jac's legs, my legs. Rin's legs nowhere to be found. I think she's afraid of the water. Hahaha!!

For some reason, I like these two photos because of how the top part of the water frames the underwater shot.

We changed snorkeling spots, and after their kena-sting incident, it was quite tough convincing Rin to go back into the water for the second time.

But we did it anyway. =P

Kenny and I went to 'collect' the girls who went to hide out at the beach where we were washed upshore. While I went back into the water to look for Kenny, the two were content just lazing by the beach.

While I was ridding myself of the cibai masuk pasir trauma, the girls did some underwater camwhoring.

I could almost imagine her speech bubble. "Help! Glug glug glug. I'm trapped! Glug glug glug"

Before we left the hotel, everyone took a photo with the shroomy poster at the hotel lounge.

The only photo of me with shroomy goddess of the universe.

Then we went to Canggu, where we fell in love with both the villa and the food from the nearby restaurant.

Rin muka thinking what to eat. Ching muka tulan for no reason.

Ching muka bulat.

At The Beach House (that's the name of the restaurant), Cindy, Jac and Kenny went to camwhore some more.

It's got a kind of very married couple look to it, this one.

This was where we did our gluttony deed.

Tanah Lot.

Just the girls please.

Oh seriously, you have no idea how happy I was to be surrounded by these girls. Buahahahaha!! Internal reveling in process.

Rin attempting to eat Burger Supreme Tanah Lot.

Girly line-up minus 1.

The only sunset we didn't miss. Evidently, Cindy was captivated by it all.

Hot stone massage on our last day there. So awhsum I swear!

Speechless

2009-06-18T21:12:00.002+08:00

As to how sick August Underground's Mordum is. I stopped watching halfway.

I wish I can un-watch it. Seriously. It. Is. Sick. W. T. F. Your sex life will never be the same.

Secret Life

2009-06-17T21:51:00.000+08:00

I have a secret life.

I've liked it for a really long time. But then, you must wait until now to spoil it. Why can't this just go back to how it used to be? Why can't you keep the drama to yourself? This whole not talking thing is childish and I hate it. I hate having to deal with it.

I want that life back. I can't lose this much in one go. I refuse to.

Mat Kearney - Crashing Down

Blogging Ala Still-Tired

2009-06-16T22:56:00.001+08:00

Fail! Only managed to do 26 laps.

Not to mention, food input > energy output.

Serious case of FAILness.

****************

The Rescues - Break Me Out

P/S: I don't want this pie anymore : (

Blogging Ala Fucking-Tired

2009-06-15T21:17:00.003+08:00

Note 1:
Okay I know it takes time to whip the stamina into shape. But seriously, can I just die? At least it'd be more painless.

Note 2:
The mother is kicking up a fuss about how I'm going to die if I go to Sydney anyway. WTF. It's like 4 months away! Maybe by then this nonsense is gone, you know?

Note 3:

I don't know what I was thinking, but I have just finished downloading THE most disturbing movie ever made. According to this list anyway. The question now is whether I should watch it.

Note 4:
Remember Maria Taylor's Time Lapse Lifeline? The mother very funny. She heard it on the CD in the car and asked me for the lyrics. O-kay-then.

Note 5:
Scored 78% in Pyo's How Well Do You Know test. Only 11 of 14 correct, which by the way I am not happy about. I miss you so badly, my kungfu shadow.

****************

Brendan James - The Sun Will Rise

Gah!!~

2009-06-14T01:10:00.003+08:00

I cannot! I cannot! I tak sanggup! : (

So upset!

Sigh.

[Edit: I finally did it. Must beautiful things be sad?]

This is so cheesy, but...

Celeste Prince - Wherever You Are

Bali 2009: Foooooooood : )

2009-06-13T12:53:00.003+08:00

Arriving at Denpasar, we were on a desperate hunt for food. At the hawker square near the hotel, we were ambushed by menus, some even had a crab shoved in their faces. No photo of that though.

Nasi goreng. First Indonesian meal.

Rin's fried rice looked so much better though. Pity her tummy was too small to stomach it all. She had some help from Kenny, our resident sapu-er.

This is Es Fansus. Wa, wtf I know. What the heck is Fansus supposed to mean? It's actually quite simple, really. It's a potion of Fanta and susu. Not like the fresh milk, because it's only carbonated sirap bandung. Fanta and sweetened condensed milk. One can opt for either cola or strawberry Fanta to go with the condensed milk. I must say the one with cola tastes better.

Me in geli mode. I know the facial expression makes it look quite disgusting, but it tasted okay. Just trying to 'embrace' the new taste, you know?

After supper, we went to a club nearby, Vi Ai Pi. I was secretly (but shamelessly) LOL-ing at the name. This here is Blue Lagoon. Or something, I can't remember, although it's mostly my hand that's in the picture. I like my fingers thanks, I sayang them, they make me happy. Insert inappropriate thoughts here.

The next day, right before we headed out to Jimbaran for dinner, we went shroom-hunting. Unfortunately, Oscar's was out, so we had to get some from another shop down the road. So excited looking forward to my first shroomsperience. But when I did, I was so disappointed. Didn't feel a thing! But that was all about to change as I was determined not to go home until I shroomed my most perfect shroom.

Kenny Christ and his four disciples. The view was really quite good, until it got dark! We missed our first Bali sunset! : ( The meal here put quite a fair dent in our spending for as early as Day 1.

Quite a decent spread, I thought. Fish, squid, chicken, all looking quite good, we were salivating.

Until we realized the lobster only had two bites in it. But we still pretty much wiped the food off the table, out of sheer hunger. Some of us were famished because of the late breakfast/early lunch.

I normally like crispy, crunchy squid. But this had a little too much flour. Still good nonetheless.

There were really good corn near the restaurant. I suspect they were marinated in like pork fat or something to that effect.

How did they do it? There was a meaty kind of Maggi perencah taste to it. The fact that one managed to roll off the tissue onto the table (which could have had sand and God knows what other gross stuff on it) and still managed to get eaten by moi proved that. Even Kenny who despised corn ate it and said it was good.

Kenny and Rin playing with their fruits, if you know what I mean. Hehehe...

At night, we checked in to Nefatari, which was a delightful place. We expressed our 2 seconds worth of undying love to Kenny for finding this place. Breakfast was quite good too. I loved the bacon! Pineapple juice was great, no sugar, no ice. Just pineapple. Squished and squashed into pulp and juice.

For lunch, we were in Ubud and had Babi Guling. The meat was alright. We failed to see why other people who have eaten there couldn't stop singing praises about it though.

We also ordered a portion of pork skin. I figured it must be good because how bad can pork skin taste? I like my Chinese style roast pork, it makes me a very happy person. And kind too, I might add. But this one threatens to incur a really expensive dental bill. The skin was too hard to bite into. Didn't like it too much.

Since we were trying the local favorites, we also did the Bebek Betutu. This I thought was really good. And I could eat it again and again for the next two weeks. The duck was quite boney, almost like bat's meat. You know how you need to de-bone the bat before you eat. Er, actually, maybe not. Hehehe...

Here's the Bebek Betutu at another angle. The side dish was really good too. I appreciate side dishes that complement the main dish so I wiped my dish clean.

After checking out from the hotel, we drove up to (actually, Kenny drove us up to) Mount Batur. As we were getting ready to leave the hotel, Kenny tells us that Mount Batur is quite cold, so all of us asked for a more specific reference of cold. And he said Genting Highlands. In case you don't know, Genting Highlands is no longer cold right, and we all thought he just meant it is cooling la. You have your regular breeze, slightly cooler than KL temperature. Nice to sit outside and have drinks kind of cool. But when we got up there, it was freezing. GENTING FREAKING HIGHLANDS IS SO NOT THE CORRECT REFERENCE CAN! Anyway, we had lunch there, in the cold. Our lunch consisted of ~~flies~~ fish ~~and flies~~. The sauce was quite good. But fish is not really my thing. Unless if it's got no bones.

Our next hotel was in Padangbai. There was a blackout the night we arrived and we had to eat crappy food for dinner. Actually, I'd rather not talk about it. I am suppressing the unhappy (lao sai berturut-turut) memories. Hotel breakfast was quite decent and healthy. Everything is organic, even the butter is unsalted (which none of us liked, but still).

After snorkeling and diving, we once again packed up and hit the roads. Thinking we would find a nice place to eat, we saved our tummies for later (bad idea). As we drove, we didn't see any food places to eat at and we were really hungry and couldn't take it anymore. So we stopped at a roadside stall (really bad idea) to have Bakso Ayam (out of this world bad idea). Jac was clever enough to eat some noodles and proceeded to donate her (they say it's chicken, but we think it could be dog) balls to Kenny. So she conveniently dropped them all in his bowl while he was taking photos (hands down THE worst idea. Ever). Kenny shat water after that and refuses to talk about it later. I on the other hand only shat jelly poopage several hours later after we checked in to the next hotel.

Thankfully for dinner that night, we had a good one. This is the tuna salad something which Rin ordered. It was really good.

The breakfast at the villa was delicious too. This is Dato' Sia and his four atas princesses. "I hope you're not still seeing that guy. Grunt, grunt, ramble ramble".

For lunch we ate at The Beach House, where we ordered from the previous night. The lobster bisque definitely kicks the Jimbaran lobster's ass.

I had prawns in garlic sauce which was terrific.

Olives and cheese as appetizers made lunch even better. Best things ever!

Rin had pork spare ribs which Jac ordered the night before. The mashed potatoes were really good, and it didn't even have to have gravy to go along with it to be great.

Kenny opted for Soto Ayam. This one I'm quite sure it's chicken. According to him, this was okay too.

For dessert, Cindy ordered this caramel ice-cream crepe thing. All of us had a bite and really liked it. But it melted too fast : (

A few tips to keep in mind. Try not to eat at roadside stalls. Rin described the dish-washing steps as (from what I summarize) Dip n Dry. Don't eat seafood at Jimbaran, the pricing is the most unreasonable, obviously because of the view. For speedy food serving, order local cuisine like nasi goreng, soto ayam, lontong. And I suppose, if you really can't help it and have to lao sai, bring a book with you, it's going to be a long night.