Is that men ruin my life. Bloody deranged savages.
I am not attacking all men. Just men that have been in my life. And not all of them. Most. And this is not a form of social transgression.
One sordid lie after another, and I am no saint but the lies that he has told me is more than enough to negate all the lies I've ever told, all 24 years of my life. And what is the most rudimentary thing that any relationship is based on? Trust.
So, no. He doesn't get to tell me I'm a liar. And he doesn't get to belittle me like I'm some smudge in his life. Doesn't he have just a tiny bit of him that feels any compunction at all to at least save the bantering for himself?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I'm In A Happy Mood These Days
Another uplifting song. This one makes me want to just literally kick up my heels, pull up my skirt, grab a party friend, and bounce around until I pass out.
It's very ironic. I'm kind of caught in a bad situation but I'm happier this week than I've been in the past few months. It's absolutely astounding, utterly stellar, this mood that I am in.
West Indian Girl - Sofia
It's very ironic. I'm kind of caught in a bad situation but I'm happier this week than I've been in the past few months. It's absolutely astounding, utterly stellar, this mood that I am in.
West Indian Girl - Sofia
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Cheer Me Up
I don't know. I find this song very uplifting. Something about the building anticipation and waiting for the rush to hit you. And when it finally does, the floodgates open and it pours and completely washes over you and you feel this empowerment, like you can do anything and you do it today, do it now, take that chance.
Freezepop - Swimming Pool
Freezepop - Swimming Pool
Monday, December 7, 2009
It's Time
Finally.
Today, I enjoyed the salubrious effects of Belle Fleur hand made chocolate. It was average RM12 a pop. But every bit worth the money.
I am a happy person.
: )
Today, I enjoyed the salubrious effects of Belle Fleur hand made chocolate. It was average RM12 a pop. But every bit worth the money.
I am a happy person.
: )
Saturday, December 5, 2009
This Internet And Its Fiasco
It's not like it's a revelation or something to me. But I do other things on the Internet too. I am not entirely useless, you know. With all the entertainment value that the Internet has been tied to, it does have other purpose for existence. Where did you think I heard about Tiger Woods getting beat up by his wife? Or the fact that I am and have been a (I can't even type this out, let alone say it out loud) person who "journalize on the Internet for public or selective viewing".
Some people I know, friends, make quite a bit of money on the net, while I'd be lucky if my Nuffnang earnings even make it to a four-digit figure. Decimal points included. Some of them write very well but they write for themselves. One I know writes terrific fan fictions. One day, while I could still be alive, she might get published. Who knows?
Most of my favorite music people are on Myspace. And it is all intricately done. Tour dates, blog subscriptions, events, video clips, playlists, networks, fan and friend comments, user feedbacks, music purchase, record signing possibilities. I am thoroughly impressed with all of this. Rummage through the abundant genres, the thousands of bands, solos, duets, the millions of songs, tunes, rhythms, whatever soothes the effects of the KL rat race on you.
Paparazzi Google and Wiki every available information, link, hint to get to people. My boss made me search Iproperty and filter through the hundreds of property developers. In my free time, I check out TopatoCo, CafePress and Zazzle my way into shirts, henleys, blazers and hoodies. And to complete the whole experience, I write about it as part of the mundane life I'm leading, which I am currently working on making untrue, so I include a bonus audio accompaniment. And that would require some Ares searching and Fileden hosting.
And to see if I've slaved myself for the past one month for something of some sort of remote value, Maybank2u tells me I only have a few hundreds left to spend this month. And I don't even dare to imagine the bills I have taken up since my increment. It's not that I am a petulant child and sound a complaint every month, but the banking account numbers are not in my favor. These digits I've been forging, they see attrition in the most explicit fashion and it pains me. I am pointing fingers now. This is all because of Internet banking. Thanks. With this, I don't even get to feel the actual cold hard cash before I give it away to some stranger on the receiving end, who is sitting comfortably just pressing numbers on her keyboard to indicate which bill I have or have not paid. Assuming that is how it works.
It's a vicious, fearful cycle as I hunt for yet another job, with a higher pay so I can afford some luxuries once in a while. Only to hear my mother share with me a most expensive form of home repair or refurbishment that she intends to do over the next couple of months. All this nagging while I have my earphones on because I am watching my damn Dexter Season 4 Episode 8 which I have conveniently downloaded. TVRSS does not fail me.
When I do get the chance to, Jobstreet doesn't think I'm qualified enough to apply for that job. But whatever. So I cough up another bizarre and out of the ordinary cover letter claiming to be the King of the World so I can take on the tasks my mother has tasked upon me.
Did you know that particular episode was named Roadkill as well? My hedgehog is famous on Dexter. Except, his name is Roadkill McSlaughter. He is showing some signs of loneliness. So I hop on the search engine and try to figure out what could make him happy and less lonely, something short of getting a bleeding female counterpart. This opens a whole new career for me. I am now an avid collector of garbage. I keep empty toilet paper tubes to make him tunnels for him to sniff around in and play with. Does this garner a higher pay? Probably not.
Another curious question to which I think I have an answer to. With so many things one can do on the Internet, in which order do you do it? Let your current situation lead you into it? Or load up on as much information as you can before committing yourself to 5 and a half years of cleaning hedgehog poop? Again, I don't think that it is wise for me to share this one right now.
****************
In its place, I should probably share this song. Totally unrelated. But I've been raving about them for a while, so I thought I'd justify myself.
Uh Huh Her - Say So
Some people I know, friends, make quite a bit of money on the net, while I'd be lucky if my Nuffnang earnings even make it to a four-digit figure. Decimal points included. Some of them write very well but they write for themselves. One I know writes terrific fan fictions. One day, while I could still be alive, she might get published. Who knows?
Most of my favorite music people are on Myspace. And it is all intricately done. Tour dates, blog subscriptions, events, video clips, playlists, networks, fan and friend comments, user feedbacks, music purchase, record signing possibilities. I am thoroughly impressed with all of this. Rummage through the abundant genres, the thousands of bands, solos, duets, the millions of songs, tunes, rhythms, whatever soothes the effects of the KL rat race on you.
Paparazzi Google and Wiki every available information, link, hint to get to people. My boss made me search Iproperty and filter through the hundreds of property developers. In my free time, I check out TopatoCo, CafePress and Zazzle my way into shirts, henleys, blazers and hoodies. And to complete the whole experience, I write about it as part of the mundane life I'm leading, which I am currently working on making untrue, so I include a bonus audio accompaniment. And that would require some Ares searching and Fileden hosting.
And to see if I've slaved myself for the past one month for something of some sort of remote value, Maybank2u tells me I only have a few hundreds left to spend this month. And I don't even dare to imagine the bills I have taken up since my increment. It's not that I am a petulant child and sound a complaint every month, but the banking account numbers are not in my favor. These digits I've been forging, they see attrition in the most explicit fashion and it pains me. I am pointing fingers now. This is all because of Internet banking. Thanks. With this, I don't even get to feel the actual cold hard cash before I give it away to some stranger on the receiving end, who is sitting comfortably just pressing numbers on her keyboard to indicate which bill I have or have not paid. Assuming that is how it works.
It's a vicious, fearful cycle as I hunt for yet another job, with a higher pay so I can afford some luxuries once in a while. Only to hear my mother share with me a most expensive form of home repair or refurbishment that she intends to do over the next couple of months. All this nagging while I have my earphones on because I am watching my damn Dexter Season 4 Episode 8 which I have conveniently downloaded. TVRSS does not fail me.
When I do get the chance to, Jobstreet doesn't think I'm qualified enough to apply for that job. But whatever. So I cough up another bizarre and out of the ordinary cover letter claiming to be the King of the World so I can take on the tasks my mother has tasked upon me.
Did you know that particular episode was named Roadkill as well? My hedgehog is famous on Dexter. Except, his name is Roadkill McSlaughter. He is showing some signs of loneliness. So I hop on the search engine and try to figure out what could make him happy and less lonely, something short of getting a bleeding female counterpart. This opens a whole new career for me. I am now an avid collector of garbage. I keep empty toilet paper tubes to make him tunnels for him to sniff around in and play with. Does this garner a higher pay? Probably not.
Another curious question to which I think I have an answer to. With so many things one can do on the Internet, in which order do you do it? Let your current situation lead you into it? Or load up on as much information as you can before committing yourself to 5 and a half years of cleaning hedgehog poop? Again, I don't think that it is wise for me to share this one right now.
****************
In its place, I should probably share this song. Totally unrelated. But I've been raving about them for a while, so I thought I'd justify myself.
Uh Huh Her - Say So
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Behavioral Study of Internet Downloads
Wow. This is shockingly reflective. I happen to be in a deeply reflective mood today. Well, not of myself of course. Of other things. Must say that I am not in any sort of dire need to self-indulge and talk about feelings tonight or any form of emotional debauchery for that matter. Feelings are boring. Feelings are intangible. Intangibly insignificant.
For obvious reasons, you and I, we are both here. It's a World Wide Web full of Hyper-Text Markup Language and Active Server Pages. You're hooked and you can't live without it. Probably. And our imaginary friend for adults is oh-so-kind as to let us meet here, with you random very few who read my random very intrepidly shameless ramblings from time to time. And it doesn't matter if you're an atheist because no names are named here.
I am going to take you on a journey of maybe chronologically assembled events, possibly from the time you click that one apparently embossed icon on your desktop or wherever you put all your shortcut keys. Subject: duh, not you.
The first thing I do is to check my e-mail. Click. Junk mail, junk mail, oh, what have we here - 3 million free flights, more junk mail, time to pay my bills, junk mail again, will Facebook ever stop sending me notifications? And on rare occasions in my monotonous life, I get an actual electronic mail from an actual person. None of that computer-generated crap. I keep what I want to revisit, and trash out the rest. And sometimes I regret for trashing them.
Ah, an instant message from an acquaintance. Oh, you want to know how I am? Today, of all days? Why, hello there. I am fine. Thank you. Now will you please just be a Yenta somewhere else and go back to minding your own business Talk to me when you really want to talk to me instead of using me to hide your pathetic loneliness. Boy, am I grumpy.
And then I Facebook. No hassle there, user ID and passwords have already been saved. Farmville invites, Yoville gifts, please spare me. Again, I delete what I don't like - same as yesterday, and the days before that. Ooh, Cafe World! Let's whip up something. Something that takes 12 hours to cook so I can serve it the minute I wake up tomorrow morning. Voodoo Chicken Salad maybe? Then I save progress and let the game run by itself.
Moving on to Myspace. Click, click, click on Music. I am feeling a little Alternative tonight. Let's listen to maybe Three Days Grace. Pretty well played. So I open a new tab on my browser.
Isohunt, look out. Pop some keywords into the search field. My, my. Choices, choices. Pause for just a split second to think if my Utorrent is overworking on the downloads. Check. Wow. Dexter, Bones, Madmen, Criminal Minds, Weeds, Private Practice, Grey's Anatomy. Shoot. But I cannot resist clicking one of every title I see. Okay, this one has a song that's already in that previous one I clicked. Let's forgo this one for now. Save as bookmark.
Oh, hello there, Questionable Content. Any episodes today? Loading, loading. Yes. Short read and quickly dismissed laugh. Find Twitter icon. Click. Whoa, this Spinzer is totally hogging my entire screen. Tweet something invisible, maybe tonight someone will notice my message and actually get it. Apparently, I get cryptic when I get to say just 10 words or less. Stalk some people. And I'm done for the night.
Be thankful. Or not, whatever keeps your blithe and merry. You have just seen my psychotic behavior on the Internet. And I don't just mean the stalker bit. I do most my stalking on notebooks, usually consisting names and hearts of all shapes and sizes and colors around them.
Well, the point is. From the very second you log on to anywhere, to do anything, and I really do mean anything at all, you are presented with options. You make decisions, probably of very tiny consequence (seriously, what do you have to lose if you don't accept the Kung Pao Stir Fry - it's virtual anyway), or you make a huge impact on someone else's life by say, telling your best friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her. With you.
I'm extremely curious. What influences all these decisions and choices? I have a few theories of my own. And I think they only make sense to me. Sorry, I'm not feeling any more of that generosity of sharing personal information. Maybe next time, when the fountain of eternal youth is built.
****************
In the meantime, here's a piece of my playlist. It's a bit long, I know. But it's worth it. I especially liked the beginning.
The Maine - Into Your Arms
For obvious reasons, you and I, we are both here. It's a World Wide Web full of Hyper-Text Markup Language and Active Server Pages. You're hooked and you can't live without it. Probably. And our imaginary friend for adults is oh-so-kind as to let us meet here, with you random very few who read my random very intrepidly shameless ramblings from time to time. And it doesn't matter if you're an atheist because no names are named here.
I am going to take you on a journey of maybe chronologically assembled events, possibly from the time you click that one apparently embossed icon on your desktop or wherever you put all your shortcut keys. Subject: duh, not you.
The first thing I do is to check my e-mail. Click. Junk mail, junk mail, oh, what have we here - 3 million free flights, more junk mail, time to pay my bills, junk mail again, will Facebook ever stop sending me notifications? And on rare occasions in my monotonous life, I get an actual electronic mail from an actual person. None of that computer-generated crap. I keep what I want to revisit, and trash out the rest. And sometimes I regret for trashing them.
Ah, an instant message from an acquaintance. Oh, you want to know how I am? Today, of all days? Why, hello there. I am fine. Thank you. Now will you please just be a Yenta somewhere else and go back to minding your own business Talk to me when you really want to talk to me instead of using me to hide your pathetic loneliness. Boy, am I grumpy.
And then I Facebook. No hassle there, user ID and passwords have already been saved. Farmville invites, Yoville gifts, please spare me. Again, I delete what I don't like - same as yesterday, and the days before that. Ooh, Cafe World! Let's whip up something. Something that takes 12 hours to cook so I can serve it the minute I wake up tomorrow morning. Voodoo Chicken Salad maybe? Then I save progress and let the game run by itself.
Moving on to Myspace. Click, click, click on Music. I am feeling a little Alternative tonight. Let's listen to maybe Three Days Grace. Pretty well played. So I open a new tab on my browser.
Isohunt, look out. Pop some keywords into the search field. My, my. Choices, choices. Pause for just a split second to think if my Utorrent is overworking on the downloads. Check. Wow. Dexter, Bones, Madmen, Criminal Minds, Weeds, Private Practice, Grey's Anatomy. Shoot. But I cannot resist clicking one of every title I see. Okay, this one has a song that's already in that previous one I clicked. Let's forgo this one for now. Save as bookmark.
Oh, hello there, Questionable Content. Any episodes today? Loading, loading. Yes. Short read and quickly dismissed laugh. Find Twitter icon. Click. Whoa, this Spinzer is totally hogging my entire screen. Tweet something invisible, maybe tonight someone will notice my message and actually get it. Apparently, I get cryptic when I get to say just 10 words or less. Stalk some people. And I'm done for the night.
Be thankful. Or not, whatever keeps your blithe and merry. You have just seen my psychotic behavior on the Internet. And I don't just mean the stalker bit. I do most my stalking on notebooks, usually consisting names and hearts of all shapes and sizes and colors around them.
Well, the point is. From the very second you log on to anywhere, to do anything, and I really do mean anything at all, you are presented with options. You make decisions, probably of very tiny consequence (seriously, what do you have to lose if you don't accept the Kung Pao Stir Fry - it's virtual anyway), or you make a huge impact on someone else's life by say, telling your best friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her. With you.
I'm extremely curious. What influences all these decisions and choices? I have a few theories of my own. And I think they only make sense to me. Sorry, I'm not feeling any more of that generosity of sharing personal information. Maybe next time, when the fountain of eternal youth is built.
****************
In the meantime, here's a piece of my playlist. It's a bit long, I know. But it's worth it. I especially liked the beginning.
The Maine - Into Your Arms
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
